May 10-16, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 20) They’re not talking about you. They’re talking of you.
Taurus (April 21-May 21) Fire in the belly? Sounds like someone needs an antacid.
Gemini (May 22-June 22) You can – nay, should – demand chocolate-covered strawberries in bed this week. All week.
Cancer (June 23-July 23) Roof repairs? Yeah, good times.
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If, as it has been written again and again, the internet and peer reviews are destroying the careers of movie critics, then surely food criticism can’t be far behind…first came restaurant review sites like Yelp that amalgamated community opinions on local greasy spoons and sushi joints. Now Zeer has come along to apply the community-review model to grocery-store items. The beta site has nutritional information on all sorts of products, from frozen edamame to the newest Dorito flavor, plus community reviews of said products.
I’m not sure how helpful it is.
First of all—there’s the issue of price. Yes groceries are getting stiflingly expensive, but individual items don’t involve the same financial commitment as say, a night out at a restaurant. Restaurants are expensive enough, and babysitting hard enough to nail down that one really doesn’t want to waste a night at an overrated restaurant, and so I think there’s some value in community restaurant reviews. Some comments might be bat-shit crazy, but usually trustworthy themes of rude service, soggy fries, or fabulous chocolate cake emerge from them. In general, I think the amount of money you’re thinking about spending is proportional to the amount of time you’re going to spend researching a product. I might be pretty careful about my next hotel reservation, but I’m less easily convinced by a group of strangers on my decision to buy my next box of pasta.
Those of us who are attempting to lighten our footprint and like to eat fish face a dilemma: how do you ethically eat seafood when close to 99% of marine fish stocks are overfished? There are do’s and don’ts for every species.
Unlike terrestrial species most fish have little or no protection - you can't get fried Panda at the restaurant, but they'll serve you any kind of fish, endangered or not. Today I’ll give the lowdown on fish you can eat without pissing off Poseidon. (with a helpful acronym).
In case you're wondering, that really is me on a climbing wall. In a fish suit.
*Update on Salmon Farming below*
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I think I am a prude. Or a big, fat wuss-bunny. Or maybe a lame-ass hipster.
This all came into focus the other night when my wife and I walked the twins to the playground. When we arrived, six kids in their early teens were already on the scene. Three boys, three girls, all at varous stages of physical and emotional development. It had awkward written all over it. And it got worse when they started screaming. It's not the screaming that I mind, really. It's a playground. But the language was a little... blue. See, one of the girls fell and twisted her ankle. At which point she screamed, at the top of her shrill little lungs: "I BROKE MYÂ FUCKING ANKLE."
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So I'm wondering: should toddlers be involved in any marathons, let alone television marathons? And in honor of their mothers, no less? In what seems to be the most clueless television programming since NBC decided that "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" should be part of "Family Hour" (because nothin' says warm 'n' fuzzy like a crazy-eyed D'Onofrio standing over a bloody corpse!), Nickelodeon's younger-skewing offshoot, Nick Jr., has announced a marathon of themed episodes for Mother's Day, slated for tomorrow, Friday, May 9, from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. The network has apparently decided that the perfect way for the preschool set to celebrate their mommies is to sit in front of the TV for five hours and watch cartoon characters relate to their cartoon mothers, all the while either (a) completely ignoring the actual human women who spawned them, who would then, of course, be freed up to start dinner, do laundry, or pay bills (unless, of course, they are at the office); or (2) forcing said women to sit through (if it hasn't already sunk in) three hundred minutes of cloying Nick Jr. shows with them!
And to think, I asked for a cordless vacuum before I heard about this opportunity.
With the vastly under-publicized fourth Indiana Jones novel set to drop on us this month, I thought I'd try to give this little sequel that could a boost. This month also sees the DVD release of Volume 3 of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, the smartest and most earnest history show for kids in the last 20 years. This edition sees Indy through the end of World War I, and then takes him off to fight Dracula, enjoy Jazz Age New York, go to Hollywood and futz around with a young John Ford, and various other adventures too numerous to mention. The set also includes dozens of documentaries, so in case your kid is interested in Paul Robeson or Woodrow Wilson's goals for the League Of Nations, you've got it all right here.
I love these shows because they don't exactly go for the most obvious history. Indy has a flirtation with Edith Wharton, for god's sake, and gets to meet such important but relatively untaught-in-America figures like Kemal Attaturk. My one caveat about the set is that it's really for ages 10 and up. Elijah wasn't too interested in the plotline about Indy and young "Ernie" Hemingway competing for the affections of an Italian girl, and even the Dracula scenes were a little plodding for his taste. There's a lot of Indy falling in love, and not a lot of bullwhip action. In fact, there's none, though there is plenty of gunplay. Still, as a supplement for your older kid's inevitably lame social-studies curriculum, I can think of nothing better.
Meanwhile, in case George Lucas was thinking of making more episodes, I have a few suggestions. You can read them after the bump. Then, make up your own. The winner gets my boxed set, slightly used.
Our Children's Gorilla (best name ever) makes these lovely Brownstone buildings that you can add to your doll house neighborhood. They're made from recycled cardboard. The details are uncanny - the building on the left looks exactly like the crack den that was next to my apartment building on W. 95th Street so long ago.
The company is big on environmentally friendly toys. I was thinking it'd be nice to get one, and then Atari and I could play Godzilla and wreck it, but then I saw the price - 370 SEK (fully shipped).
Is that a lot of money? A little money? I have no idea. Is that the currency for Southeast Korea?
A packet of lutefisk to whomever can tell me something interesting (real or made up) about this enigmatic currency.
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Happy Birthday, Israel! What better way to mark this special day than to plug this upcoming Adam Sandler flick. I freakin' love Adam Sandler, and not just because he looks crazy hot with the beard and Jew-fro he sports in this film. It probably has something to do with the accent: he is every wiseass kid I grew up with in my Boston childhood. Everytime I see this trailer, I get all giddy. Oy, what a mitzvah! Enjoy. LeChaim!
I am obviously way too sophisticated to care about the tawdry celebrity gossip bandied about by the likes of TMZ. And so are you. Right? But in the interests of research and good parenting, I suggest you take a look at this clip, in which Lindsay Lohan's mother receives a "mother of the year" award.
For the second year in a row, the children's book And Tango Makes Three
Personally, I think the guinea pigs will give them a run for their money in 2008 (not that I wish censorship on this or any book). I refer readers back to my review of Uncle Bobby's Wedding, a new LGBT-inclusive children's book featuring said rodents. In it, I quote from my conversations with author Sarah Brannen and her editor, who discuss, among other things, the reaction to the book so far and their feelings about potential censorship. (See also Fern's guest review over at Pajamazon.)
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I wrote this review the day the movie came out, but I couldn't bear to post it. I love Tina Fey and Amy Pohler. My expectations were too high, and I came out disappointed.
This wasn't a bad movie. It was enjoyable, it occasionally made me laugh aloud. It just wasn't fully satisfying. There was a vagueness to it. Fey comes off as a really nice person, which might have made it hard to play someone who is supposed to be a demanding control freak. At one point, halfway through the movie, she tells another character that she's controlling and demanding, and I was jolted by the statement. Was that what she was supposed to be playing?
In my feverish attempt at better health, in which I undertake every necessary step all at once in order to completely confuse my body, I've been far more provoked to back-slide on the food front than in the non-smoking arena. The other night, an Olive Garden commerical almost made me pass out. I'm starting to do that Bugs Bunny thing where my wheat toast (my DRY #$!&!%$ wheat toast) morphs into a medium rare filet.
 Hunger Pains > Nicotine Withdrawl
I've got quite a ways to go on my "fast." Twice as long as Jesus's 40 days and nights in the wilderness. I've already had my first Temptation, too. At the hands of my mother and a carbohydrate Satan known as John's Incredible Pizza Co.
To be honest, this turned out to be a rotten time to start a crafting blog. In the midst of my own minor mid-life meltdown, we’ve had lots of external stressors lately with finances, extended family, our very old house, and our three-year-old being, well, a three-year-old. I haven’t even had time to knit, a sure sign of coming unglued, much less make other crafty type things. So I thought I would share the one thing I always have time to make, cocktails.
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So I am finally doing the summer landscaping job full-time. I am in my third day after a few weeks of here and there. And already I get the sense that my kids think I actually work now. I have "work boots." I come home really dirty. I groan a lot. It's what I always understood "work" to mean. And they get it.
I have never come to terms with the fact that, someday, I'll have to explain what I "do" for a living. I'm not even sure I know. When old college buddies ask, it takes me seven beers to explain the intersection of writing and teaching and how I ended up in grad school. Their eyes glaze over. And these are people who understand such things.
Now, when I am pulling my kids in a wagon, I point at trees and say, "Dad plants those." They laugh. Knowlingly.
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If pressed, most of us bicycling fans will say we do it for the exercise, to save money on gas, and for the environment. But now this Hungarian PSA promoting bicycling has exposed the truth. You might not want to play this where office mates can hear it. (Via, with translation.)
But I can't help but think that as silly as it is, there's a grain of truth to the claims. Lack of exercise is brutal to the sex drive, and something as well-rounded as bicycling to get exercise probably does have some health benefits that carry over to the bedroom.
My favorite piece of flash from this past week is this blog entry by blogger Jezebel. Seems the May issue of Vogue includes some super-hero haute couture that "begged" to be "lol'ed." My personal fav? This "anjellic moddle jus got dammd" photo:
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Teach your littlest bomber why we won the war. Who wouldn't want a replica of the famed P-51 Mustang? I know I would. It has a 1.1 meter wingspan, and is based on Chuck Yeager's WWII fighter. Only 1500 pounds sterling (with high quality paint finish, ₤950 for normal crappy paint job).
From Ptolemy Toys, where every kid can bomb somebody into the Stone Age.
Because I carry the dreaded musical theater gene,* the watching of American Idol is strictly forbidden in our household. However, ratings indicate that other viewers enjoy this spectacle. To ensure that the series producers never ever run out of eager fodder, they are inviting interested 10- to 15-year-olds to participate in an American Idol summer camp. Alas, the 2008 application deadline has passed but if you believe your little skootchy pumpkin can belt out "Always and Forever" like the next Clay Aiken, get a jump on next January's early application process. Scholarships are available for Idols without means.
*diagnosed through a battery of tests involving lyrics to lesser know musicals like Finian's Rainbow and Stop the World I Want to Get Off. Thankfully, my gene is peculiar in that I'm only susceptible to infection by pre-1964 musicals, eliminating dreck like Rent and Cats.
Any specialty camps in your kid's future?
Oh man, the more I hear about this movie Expelled, the funnier it gets.
The producers of "Expelled" spent two years interviewing scores of scientists, doctors, philosophers, and public leaders, including University of Minnesota biology professor P.Z. Myers, who does not support alternative theories of evolution. The clip of "Imagine," which is audible for approximately 15 seconds, is used in a segment of the documentary in which the film's narrator and author Ben Stein comments on statements made by Myers and others about the place of religion. In the documentary Stein says: "Dr. Myers would like you to think that he's being original but he's merely lifting a page out of John Lennon's songbook." This is followed by an audio clip of Lennon's song "Imagine," specifically, the lyrics "Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too."That wingnuts have held a grudge against that song for 37 years tells you how small their world really is. Did they really think the plebes could be sheltered from doubt in god if that damn former Beatle hadn't penetrated the Berlin wall of religious censorship? Or do they really think John Lennon invented atheism?
The more I hear about this movie, the more clear it becomes that it's patched together using email forwards.
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Some day, your kids are going to get some friends. You better hope they pick good-looking, popular ones. Otherwise, they are doomed. A little. Check out this bit about from the Washington Post:
Social psychologist Michelle Hebl of Rice University ... had volunteers evaluate a mock job applicant. Some volunteers saw the applicant sitting in a waiting room next to an overweight person, while others saw the applicant in the waiting room sitting next to a person of average weight. ... Remarkably, Hebl found that volunteers rated job applicants more negatively when they had been seen seated next to an overweight person than when they were seen seated next to an average weight person.This has pretty profound implications for the whole parenting enterprise. We like to tell our kids that these kinds of things don;t matter. "Come on, Junior. I know Jimmy next door is kind of dorky. But you have to be nice to him. What matters is his inner beauty. And yours." Later, we tell Junior: "Sorry about that fancy prep school. It just costs too much. What really matters is buckling down and getting good grades no matter where you go to school."
Except... er... no.
(Hat tip to Overcoming Bias.)Â
Some residents of the Greek island of Lesbos are suing the LGBT-rights group "Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece" in an effort to reclaim the name "lesbian." The BBC reports "The man spearheading the case, publisher Dimitris Lambrou, claims that international dominance of the word in its sexual context violates the human rights of the islanders, and disgraces them around the world." He says it causes "daily problems" to the islanders' social lives.
I dunno. I think "Hi, I'm a Lesbian" could be a conversation starter for a straight man.
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Previously on Offsprung
- What's Next? Happy People Suing to Reclaim the Word "Gay"? from Mombian
- Brown Is the New White, Kid from Hausfrau
- Motherhoodlum Ep 7 - My Man Manny from Offsprung TV
- Interview: Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies) from Zooglobble
- Self-Esteem Clean Up at Check Stand Four, Please from Terrible Mother
- When Sally Met Harry... and Charlotte, and Holden, and... from Pajamazon
- "Pro-lifers" demand more abortions from Unsprung
- Giant Flying Oyster Expels Load from Apocalypsia
- Goody Blog Gives Out Goody Bag from Meconium
- Making Better Kids? from Below The Rust Belt
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