Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 comments 18 comments

Who Do You Love More, Your Kid or A Designer?

Lots of people name their kids after favorite historical figures, athletes, or characters in books. Among my friends’ children, there’s a Chandler (yes, after the Friend) and a Darcy (as in Mr. Darcy). But actress Kelly Rutherford took it one step further when she named her now two-year-old son Hermes. No, not after her favorite Greek god. After her favorite fashion designer.

Would you ever consider naming your kid Vera or Calvin? What about something a little more oblique like twins named Donna and Karen? Wouldn’t “Cashmere” sound nice with your last name?

Monday, August 11th, 2008 comments 2 comments

Welcome to Fatherhood, Clay Aiken

258908.jpgAmerican Idol Season 2’s runner-up and my former high school classmate Clay Aiken, 29, became a father this weekend. Aiken’s best friend, Jaymes Foster (age roughly estimated as 50) gave birth to a boy named Parker Foster Aiken at an unnamed hospital in North Carolina (Aiken’s home state). Foster is the sister of music producer David Foster, who often appears on Idol and has worked on past Aiken albums. Parker is the last name of Clay’s mom, Faye Parker, who gave an exclusive scoop about the birth to Raleigh TV station WRAL. Little Parker was born at 8:08 AM on 8/8/08, making him probably the most lucky kid ever. [Trivia: Princess Beatrice–daughter of Andrew and Fergie–was born on 8/8/88].

Aiken, a devout Christian who dodges questions about his sexuality, is romantically involved with Foster and fathered the child via artificial insemination. He plans to be a fully-involved parent. And, as everyone knows, the best way to prove you’re straight is to artificially inseminate a chick who is 20 years older than you.

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 comments 13 comments

Would Your Kid Look Good with “The Maddox”?

maddox jolie pitt fauxhawkI remember back-to-school shopping as one of my favorite childhood activities. Even if I wasn’t thrilled about giving up summer and heading back to the classroom, I loved the bright, shiny new Trapper Keeper cover (what? I grew up in the 80s, leave me alone), colorful pens and pencils, and the new clothes that came every August. One thing I certainly don’t associate with back-to-school, though, is haircuts. Maybe my hair just didn’t grow fast enough. Or maybe I was cool sticking with the long-hair-and-bangs ‘do I rocked until I was about fifteen.

Now, a salon in New York is advertising special back-to-school haircuts for kids. Suki Duggan, a mom of two and the owner of Donsuki Townhouse Salon on the Upper East Side, is offering “celebrity kid” haircuts for your little ones.

Does your son want a Maddox Jolie-Pitt inspired fauxhawk of his very own? Or maybe your daughter’s been dreaming of a bob just like Suri Cruise’s? Now, you finally have a place where you can take your child and start his or her celebrity worship at an early age. First, the Suri haircut, then they’ll want Suri’s Birkin bag or $5,000 designer Mary Janes.

Would you let your kid get a celebrity haircut? Did you ever get The Rachel? Come on, you can tell me. I admitted the freakin’ Trapper Keeper obsession.

Monday, July 28th, 2008 comments 6 comments

Battle of the Celebrity Stage Parents

dina lohan living lohanPlenty of celebrities who got famous as kids or teens have Mom and/or Dad to thank for their success. However, not all celebrity Moms and Dads are looking out for their kids’ best interests. Often, these parents want to steal their kids’ money or become “famous” in their own right. Here’s my list of the worst celebrity stage parents.

Dina Lohan. Dina, a divorced Long Island mother of four, struck gold when her daughter Lindsay, an adorable redhead with big freckles and natural acting ability, won the lead in the remake of The Parent Trap. Dina, who said she was an ex-Rockette (this has been proven untrue), took advantage of Lindsay’s burgeoning fame and fortune and went along for the ride, calling herself her daughter’s “Momager” (aka Mom/Manager) and was often spotted at Hollywood hotspots with men half her age. Now that Lindsay’s a grownup and has issues of her own to work out, mom Dina moved on to her next meal ticket–her other daughter, Ali. Ali’s attempt to become a successful pop singer is documented on E!’s reality show Living Lohan. Dina keeps blathering on about all she is guilty of is helping her kids live their dreams. My theory (that the kids are just vehicles for Mom to live her own dreams) was validated when an episode of the show featured Dina performing instead of Ali. Dina, who refers to herself as “White Oprah,” has also tried to get her own TV chat show.

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Thursday, July 17th, 2008 comments 1 comment

Stupid Baby Name Throwdown Has New Contestant

General Hospital star Ingo Rademacher (he plays Jax) and his fiancee Ehiku recently welcomed their first child, a son. What did they name their precious little boy? Let me give you a hint and say that when he grows up he should definitely go out with Apple Martin.

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Monday, July 14th, 2008 comments 3 comments

Return of the Celebrity Baby Name Game

This week’s edition is dedicated to Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt, soon to be the recipients of an $11 million exclusive deal with People magazine. You know the drill:

Kids
A. Hopper Jack (boy)
B. Princess Tiáamii (girl)
C. Rufus Tiger (boy) and Tiger Lily (girl)
D. God’iss Love Stone (girl)
E. Daisy Boo and Poppy Honey (both girls)
F. Kadence Clover (girl)
G. Jazz (girl) and Domino (boy)

Parents:
1. Tony Hawk
2. Roger Taylor
3. Joe Strummer
4. Peter Andre and Katie “Jordan” Price
5. Lil’ Mo
6. Sean Penn and Robin Wright
7. Jamie Oliver

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Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 comments 1 comment

Matthew McConaughey Takes Surprisingly Normal Route

So much for Adderall Triceratops…actor/stoner Matthew McConaughey and girlfriend Camila Alves chose a pretty darn normal name for their newborn son, Levi. Matthew, who had threatened to name his kid Amstel (and whose nephew is named Miller Lyte) named his son not for the jeans brand but for the Bible. He told Us Weekly that ‘Levi’ is another name for ‘Matthew’, and noted “This particular ”time” represents my favourite verse in the book of Matthew in the Bible: ”If thy eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light.’”

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Monday, July 7th, 2008 comments 7 comments

Nicole Kidman May or May Not Have Oddly Named Kid

nicole kidmanCongratulations to Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, who welcomed their first child together, a daughter, this morning. According to People magazine, the little girl is named Sunday Rose Kidman Urban. While that’s not as out there as, say, Jermajesty, “Sunday Urban” isn’t the most fun moniker to drag around. Until recently, rival glossy Us Weekly was listing the baby’s name as simply Rose, but they’ve since updated their blog posting with Sunday Rose.

Nicole has two adopted children, Isabella and Connor, with ex-husband Tom Cruise. Luckily, she will not be forced to raise little Sunday-Rose-or-maybe-just-plain-Rose in the Church of Scientology.

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008 comments 0 comments

Brangelina to Grace World with More Beautiful Offspring

It’s Christmastime at The Cleaver, by which I mean “Brad and Angelina’s twins are totally about to be born any second.”  Most of the news reports about Angelina being admitted to the hospital are coming from Nice, France, where the family is living for the time being. I’m so glad my French minor is finally paying off.

Angie is “just resting” at Lenval’s Santa Maria clinic in Nice. The Castor and Pollux of our era will be delivered later this week, as Angelina’s OB/GYN, Dr. Jason Rothbart, is on his way to Europe.

No word on whether Angelina’s equally pregnant assistant, Holly Goline, is also giving birth.

Of course, I will update this story further as events warrant.

Monday, June 30th, 2008 comments 7 comments

Celebrity Baby Name Game- Bizarro Edition

Sometimes, weird things happen. It snows in June. Dogs and cats make peace with each other. And, very rarely, a famous person gives his or her child a normal name. No Moxie Crimefighters or Pilot Inspektors will be found in this list. I don’t even have to specify the childrens’ gender in this list…talk about weird.

Kids:
A. Michael and Ella
B. John Thomas Edward
C. Michael Charles
D. Sadie Madison
E. Henry Daniel
F. Jane Erin
G. Kathlyn, Benjamin, Isabel, and Ella

Parents:
1. Mark-Paul Gosselaar
2. Warren Beatty and Annette Bening
3. Julia Roberts
4. Jim Carrey
5. Adam Sandler
6. Bridget Moynihan and Tom Brady
7. Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham

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