I….I…don’t know what to say about this.
Steve and I were doing some research about the devil dog that washed up on the shore in Montauk. One of my coworkers had seen it on the local news yesterday afternoon and was convinced that it was a demon. When the footage wasn’t shown on the nightly news, she was certain that whatever washed up on shore was evidence that Dick Cheney was summoning his minions, and the evidence was being suppressed by the government to keep us from concrete proof that he is the antichrist.
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Filed under Food, Oh My God., Porn.
As you may or may not have heard, Verne Troyer, aka “Mini Me” of the Austin Powers movies, has a damn sex tape.
Gossip site TMZ, in a sworn statement, claims that Troyer’s girlfriend, Ranae Shrider, taped them having sex, then leaked the tape to them. When Troyer confronted her, she claimed not to know how the tape got out and that TMZ must have stolen it. Troyer then sued TMZ, which is where the sworn statement-ing comes in.
Okay, deep breath. I know we’re numb to sex tapes. There are the gold standard sex tapes, the Pam and Tommy’s and the Paris Hilton and what’s-his-name’s. There are the political sex tapes like the one Rob Lowe made at the 1988 Democratic National Convention with the other dude and the 17-year-old. There are also the Kim Kardashian, I-Have-No-Idea-Who-You-Are tapes, the ones that cause poor Barbara Walters to get all confused. Then there are the sex tapes that are seemingly released to cause pain to innocent bystanders, like the Screech/Dirty Sanchez tape, and yes, the new Verne Troyer tape.
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Filed under Assholes, Celebrity.
Update: Nina Speaks!
Hello!
That is a clip from the movie “How To Eat Pussy Like A Champ/Pro” I don’t remember the exact title. It’s from Seymour Butts and my partner is the delectable Sunny Lane. It’s from this year and you should be able to find it easily.
Party on!
Nina
She’s right - you can download it here, and a review of it is available here. This is a DVD by Seymour Butts, not Nina Hartley, so she shares screen time with other instructors, including Ron Jeremy. It didn’t come as a big surprise to me that the reviewer singles Nina out as the high point.
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Who are the fabulous ladies in this clip? They just taught me way more useful things about my anatomy than I ever learned in health class. I get the impression that this is from a longer video.
I couldn’t figure out how to embed it into the post, so sorry about that. If you click on the link - that is, if you click on the link when you are not at work, and your kids are not looking over your shoulder - you will see a ten minute clip from a Nina Hartley educational DVD, either Nina Hartley’s Guide to Better Cunnilingus or Nina Hartley’s Making Love to Women. I don’t know which one it is, and I’ve sent off an email to Nina Hartley (or someone who works for her) to see if they would be willing to identify it for us.
In the meantime, I can’t recommend the Nina Hartley series enough. After a life time spent acting in porn, I believe Hartley has really found her calling as an educator. She’s very knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and very funny. She manages to be both sexy and completely matter of fact at the same time, and it’s a rare and excellent combination that puts the viewer at ease. When I first became acquainted with the series about 7 or 8 years ago, I thought it was going to be porn-star showboating and not actually informative, helpful, or woman friendly. Wrong. Wrong, wrong. Nina Hartley is really in a class by herself, and so are the DVDs. Most educational videos are cheesy and boring, but hers are a lot of fun.
Filed under Emailbag.
Brian Kusler and his friends were sitting around, drinking and brainstorming ways to help one of the gang reach her full potential at being a man-magnet. I’m not sure why it took ten thousand years of civilization to finally arrive at this conclusion, but at last it occurred to someone to combine the two things men love the most.
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Filed under Awesomeness, Food.
Today I went by the P.O. Box to pick up the books for Books Are Pretty. Even though I’m reading as diligently as I can, I’m still only up to the books that were released in March/April. I thought, sometime last year, that I would get caught up and publish reviews the week the books came out, but, you know, ha ha ha ha.
There were three more books in the box, plus a shiny newsletter that I almost immediately tossed into the recycling can. Right before my fingers released it, however, an inner voice, just for fun we’ll say God’s voice, said, “Wait! Don’t throw it away yet! Look through it!” so I stood there and thumbed through.
It was a newsletter for our local school district, and I thought, okay, maybe there’s something in here I need to know, and sure enough, on page 3 there was a list of teachers who had been given an Award of Excellence. And as I looked through the names to see if one of Alex’s teachers had been listed, I came across a junior high school teacher whose last name was Porn. Peg Porn.
What do budding adolescents do with such a gift from God? I don’t even know what to do with it; it’s like winning 500 million dollars in the lottery. I whole-heartedly appreciate the generosity, but it’s almost too good.
Filed under Awesomeness.
I don’t know why we in the United States are getting our collective panties in a twist over this, but over in the U.K. Heinz introduced, then subsequently yanked, a really funny commercial for their mayo:
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Filed under Advertising, Assholes, Gay/Lesbian.
The day gay marriage is legal in all fifty states will be one of the happier days of my life. Until then, watching all the joy in California is pretty darned good, too.
Keith Boadwee and Kenny Latham of Emeryville.
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Filed under Uncategorized.
This story will break your heart.
In Tuesday’s Slate, Melinda Hennenberger wrote about nursing home residents Bob and Dorothy. Bob is 95, Dorothy is 82. Both suffer from dementia. They met, they fell in love, and then they started having sex. When they were caught, all hell broke loose and the couple was forcibly separated.
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Filed under Aging, Assholes.
Earlier this week, Stephen Colbert had surfer Jon Paskowitz on, talking about his unorthodox childhood.
Basically, his dad pulled all nine of his kids out of school to live in a trailer on the beach and surf all day. Admittedly, despite his total lack of formal education, Paskowitz has done well enough to wind up as a guest on the Colbert Report, so it can’t have been totally wrong-headed. What creeped me out, though, was when Colbert started questioning him about his parents having wild monkey sex in front of the kids, because “that’s what animals do” or some such crazytalk.
Honestly, this gave me the willies so bad I had to mute the TV and read the closed captioning just to get through the interview. Later, he says they put a sheet up and none of the kids could “see anything,” but damn.
But at least they didn’t blog about their kids, right? So it’s all good.
Filed under Celebrity, Education, Kids Today, Lessons in biology.
Yesterday I was looking through an old copy of Us Weekly that I probably lifted from my sister’s house or from the Walgreen’s pharmacy waiting room. It was the issue that went out right after Britney Spears’ ill-fated comeback attempt at the MTV Music Awards, where she slurred her way confusedly through her latest single, stumbling around the stage and getting in the way of the dancers who actually came to rehearsal and knew the steps.
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Filed under Awesomeness, Celebrity, Kids Today, Music.
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