by flea Tuesday, May 13th, 2008  7 comments

Open Letter to Men.

Dear Men,

It has recently come to my attention that all that sweet, sweet cunnilingus you’ve been giving us has increased your risk of oral cancer.

Sorry about that.*

Before you put that tongue away, though, I do have some good news: they think the vaccine that prevents cervical cancer in women, Gardasil, works for you, too. At least, Merck, the pharmaceutical company that makes Gardasil, thinks so. And I certainly hope so, because I have a feeling the people who are trying to prevent women from being vaccinated against cancer will be singing a different song when it comes to their boys getting cancer on their tonsils because of some wily female.** I think it would be slightly more challenging to withhold a cure from cancer from one gender while giving out to the other. We in the United States prefer to disguise our misogyny as concern, such as, “we are concerned you might enjoy having sex without the fear of death hanging over your head, so no vaccine for you.”

In the meantime, until the studies regarding Gardasil and men are completed, you could become an advocate for girls receiving the vaccine.

I really think if we all work together, we can overcome fundamentalist ridiculousness and have awesome orgasms. It’s a win-win!

Sincerely,

Me

___________________

*Looking for a photo of the HPV virus to put up here reminded me of the sad fact that I perused all those photos for free. I strongly suggest that nobody else search Google images for HPV virus. Ever.

**”Wily female” is a phrase I once heard uttered by the wise Mr. Cleaver in Leave It to Beaver, and I loved it and decided to keep it. You see, it came to Ward’s attention that a girl had borrowed Wally’s letterman sweater because she claimed to be cold, but Ward thought otherwise, and warned Wally about the dangers of wily females who run around willy-nilly wearing boys’ sweaters. The next day at school Wally marched up to said female and demanded his sweater back, posthaste! Later, she wreaked her revenge by giving Wally oral cancer.

Filed under Health, STDs.