34 days ago  7 comments

Ahhhh Cigarettes. . .

The book thread is triggering thoughts of cigarettes - a pack of Camels, to be precise. I started smoking when I was sixteen, smoked for sixteen years and quit when I was 32. I wanted to be "smoke-free" for a year before trying to get pregnant. And I did. I haven't had a single puff pass through my lips for over three years, and I'm very proud of that fact.

Now Rohan is six months old. I'm not breastfeeding any more.

I will not have a cigarette. I will not have a cigarette. I will not have a cigarette.

Even when I walk through the courtyard and talk to the smokers at work and smell the perfume of smoke that defined me during my truly formative years.

One cigarette will not kill me. It'll probably make me gag and wonder why I ever started in the first place. Nasty habit. Maybe I should just bum a smoke to remind me of why I quit.

As I type this, I see the latest picture of my beautiful son with his father's blue blue eyes looking up at me.

I will not have a cigarette. I will not have a cigarette. I will not have a cigarette.