If not, what's the hold-up? If so, any tips?

We still haven't done one.

Yes! We were very specific as to who gets the children in the event that we both pass before they are 18. We also assigned a trustee to manage the financial end who is and will remain separate from the guardians of the children.

My Dad's parents died in a car wreck when he was 7 - causing the three children (he was the youngest) to be split up amongst family members. There was a law suit, and serious money involved. Each child got a rather huge settlement. People do crazy, evil things when money is involved. His experience alone is the reason we are so prepared.

Every family member knows our wishes up and down to the last detail, but we haven't gotten a lawyer to officially draw one up yet. Our assets will be cancelled by our debts. My parents have accepted our kids in the event.

I like the idea of having the guardian not be the trustee, good thinking, Rachell.

If you're not in a position to pay a lawyer to do a formal will, most states will permit you to prepare a "holographic" will. As long as you indicate it's your will and write it out & sign it, etc., it can be probated. Even if you only want to indicate arrangements as to custody of children if both parents die simultaneously (or within a few hours of one another), that can be helpful. You can probably find info for your state re: holographic wills on the Internet.

Whatever you do, don't violate the rule against perpetuities. I keed.

Thanks, John, I'll look into that.

My mom died without a will. Despite having a rather small estate, and having made her wishes clear to her 6 children about how she hated when people fought about estates, my brothers fought tooth and nail over every penny. I honestly think it comes down to this feeling that if you get more money, that meant you were the better son or that you were well-loved. Sound financial decisions are not always possible when people are grieving. In the end, our family has been split apart by this. So its extremely important that everyone have wills.

Knowing this was a loose end, she tried to handwrite one in the ambulance, and while she signed it and had the ambulance attendant witness it, she failed to do the third required thing (at least in NJ) which was to instruct the executor to pay all the debts of the estate.

After living through that, I am embarrassed to say I still don't have a (current) will. I have an old one floating about, but I've since divorced and remarried, so not exactly relevant anymore...

we did one, because as a glbt family, we don't want our child to become the victim of a big homophobic custody dispute if we pass away. in fact, we're doing an update with an attorney today. really, just do it- it's not terribly expensive, and makes a big difference. you don't even for sure need an attorney (we have one because the glbt law is so unclear). it helps, too, to let the people you name as having power of attorney know that you've done so, and have the sticky conversation about what you'd like them to do for you. oh, and don't just name your partner for everything- have a backup, because, as my attorney said "who do you drive with most? who do you fly with? who do you walk around town with? your partner."

I'm kind of afraid, honestly. I would want to write it in that my parents get visitation access in the certain event my daughter's dad got full custody, and I think he and I would probably have to co-sign on that. I don't even know.

See? Avoiding it, which is bad, but it's makes for potential trouble, which I hate to court in this era of smooth visitation sailing.

We still don't have one. It's come up as a top priority in every Family Financial Retreat we've held in nine (yikes) years of marriage. But then the post-retreat margarita-fest erases our memory, and we forget till the next time.

Seriously, whenever someone brings it up I feel guilty and scared about it for a minute, promise myself it'll get done soon, then go on about my day. I'd like to think I'm just busy and forgetful, but maybe I really am in denial. That, and a bad mother.

We don't have one yet. We have discussed all the ins and outs. My mother is an attorney and keeps saying she will draw one up for us. But she never gets around to it. I am uncomfortable because we don't want our child to go to any grandparents....and we don't know how to break the news. Do we let them discover the arrangement in the unlikely event that both of us perish? Or do we bring it up now and fight about it? Obviously, we should talk about it now, but I don't want to.*

*Insert whiny kid voice for that last part.

We have one of the holographic ones Capp talks about above; did one quickly right after Big One was born and gave it to my mom, who put it in her lockbox. That said, NotClooney is a lawyer, so there's no reason in the world for us not to have an official one, other than procrastination; it feels so...permanent.

Our friends recently asked us to be their kids' guardians if anything happens to them. It was an oddly profound moment.

We also have one the holographic types. When my husband and I started interviewing for jobs last year (and were traveling a lot), I wrote one up, stating that my parents would get my daughter if she is over the age of 13 and my in-laws would get her if she is under the age of 13 (at the time of our deaths). Additionally, we specified what to do with our $$ and even our kitties.


We signed and dated it and put it in an envelope originally labeled "Only to be opened in the event of our deaths." However, recently I thought this was too morbid, so I tore it out of the envelope and put it in an envelope labeled as "to be opened in the event of an emergency". The funny things is, I left the original, torn-open envelope on the kitchen counter before I went out for the day and our house was on the market and we had people come through the house that day. I can only imagine what they must've thought!

We really ought to have a legally drawn-up will...

We haven't done one, and our oldest is 7 YEARS OLD. And we have a lawyer-friend standing by to do it for us. We have life insurance, beneficiaries on our retirement funds, etc, but our big holdup with a will is deciding who would get our children and WHERE we would want them to be. We live far from both our families, our parents (my dad, my MIL are all that are living) are in their late 70's. Would we want our kids to live where we are now? Near our aging parents? Somewhere else?

We just bought a house, and I'm again feeling the stress of dealing with this.

Wills, living wills, powers of attorney—http://offsprung.com/mombian/2007/09/11/were-here-were-queer-and-were-prepared/">funny you should mention it. These documents were for a long time the only proof we had that my partner and I weren't legal strangers to each other, and still the only proof we have outside the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Dana, New York just announced this morning that the state will recognize gay marriages as long as they were considered legal in the state/country in which they were performed. Did I hear that right? If so, does that mean that you'd be OK in this state, too?

Adding this to my to do list. Damn to do list.

Actually, Herasmus, as I understand it, the http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/09/091207ny.htm">NY ruling only applies to benefits given to state employees through the New York State Retirement System. If a NY same-sex couple has been legally married elsewhere, and one is a NY state employee, her/his partner would qualify for benefits and a spousal pension.

Note that MA does not allow same-sex couples to marry there if they are not MA residents--so a NY couple would have to travel to Canada (or Belgium, the Netherlands, South Africa, or Spain) to marry, unless they had been MA residents and married there before moving to NY.

We have a will. It set us back about a grand to do it, but I do like the peace of mind.

This website is my will...and I'm leaving it to all of you! Suckers.

i just emailed matt the california bar association will form, which took us 3 minutes, tops. contact me through my profile and I'll email one to you too. I think it's generic enough to use in any state, just happens to be from the CA bar.

i just emailed matt the california bar association will form, which took us 3 minutes, tops. contact me through my profile and I'll email one to you too. I think it's generic enough to use in any state, just happens to be from the CA bar.

I'd be really careful about that. Property ownership law, etc., varies widely from state to state. Wills laws also vary widely, with each state having its own particular idiosyncracies. You'd be better off researching the requirements in your own state. You can probably find web resources to give you some guidance.