Ok El Destructo will be almost 17 months old (man I'll be glad when I can just say yrs) next month.
He is in private care (no other kids) and currently going to story time every other week. The playground all weekend every weekend. And the occasional Gymboree visits... So he knows there are other short people like him out there… Playgroups aren't really for me…for various reasons, timing, people, etc.

I am wanting him to start going to a pre-school setting 2 days a week in August/Sept (18 months). My husband is on the fence. He says he should get more playgroup type interaction then pre-school type settings closer to 2. I really can see that El D needs some buddies!

Thoughts? Germ bubbles? CPF's patented hamster wheel? When did you start socializing your kid on purpose? Benefits? Drawbacks?

My son started at 18 months, 2 days a week, and loved it. He cried the first day when I left (and I cried in the parking lot) and after that everything was great. He's now four, still at the same school with most of the same kids, goes five mornings/week--he's got great friendships, and I can't say enough about what a good thing it's been. My daughter, now six, went to the same place, though started at 2 1/2, and while it was great for her, I wish she'd started earlier.

Both my kids went to a family daycare before that for a couple of days a week, starting around 12 months. They both did well there, too. The pre-school/daycare had a lot more to offer. For kids, I think socialization and finding out you can have fun and then mom comes back is great.

Thanks Diana - did you happen to notice a spike in colds, etc after he started?

I'm a germ freak show...so I'm trying to temper myself for him and before he goes...

My kids were in daycare from 3 months on - I got more colds then they did, but they didn't get any in kindergarten while their non-preschool/daycare friends got plenty.

If you find a center you trust I think preschool has a lot to offer.

Okay, this is long. Sorry.

The Dragon was alone with a nanny in our home from 4-9 months, then in a home daycare with one to two other kids from 9-17 months, then in center-based care from 17 months till now (he'll be 3 in September). Each one had its benefits and drawbacks -- mostly, in retrospect, from Alan's and my point of view.

Primarily, I really, really liked and valued the high level of communication with the nanny and homecare provider. I'm not comfortable with how little information we get from the center, even after several attempts on our part to get more. The teachers don't have time, and their focus is more spread out over several kids. Also, they're less able to work closely with the parents and tailor situations to our parenting style. This young, I think it's really important to get consistent messages from parents and other caregivers.

But the Dragon's cognitive development increased dramatically when he transferred to the center. (We weren't worried about his development, but it was cool to witness the leaps and bounds.) He also gets waaay more outside time there than he did at the home daycare (obviously this won't be true for all home daycares, but it bothered me at the one he was in). And he's more confident socially.

Before we transitioned from the small home care to the large center, we took the Dragon to Gymboree to see how he'd do in a larger group. He was a little behind the other kids in gross motor and a little timid socially. But he rallied and did great. He even took his first steps there. Given those observations, we felt he would do okay in a larger setting. (Of course, we were also highly motivated to convince ourselves of this, since the home care was getting logistically and financially untenable.)

I guess what I'm saying is I think it's a toss-up depending on what your needs/hopes are, and what your kid's like. I'm not sure a six-month difference in age makes much of a difference. But a couple things I'd consider:

- Define explicitly what you're looking for from a new situation. Motor or cognitive development? Socialization? Structure? Empathic attunement? Time for you/your husband? Financial issues? This exercise alone, if you haven't done it, may clarify what to do. Maybe you and your husband think differently about this?

- Spend some time in each setting you're considering (anyone worth their salt will let you observe for a while without making a commitment) to see what feels best. Try to imagine El D in each place and what he'd get from it. Does it match what you're hoping for?

- Realize that (I think) the right homecare setting could actually be quite "playgroup" like. All our providers welcomed us into the daycare setting for as long as we wanted to stay, but because our homecare provider had a son the Dragon's age, when I hung out there it felt like a playgroup -- moms and kids hanging out together. It was cool.

- Ask questions that go beyond "What's your training?" and "What's the daily schedule?" I think those tell you very little. We've looked at a couple other situations since transferring to the center, and I always ask things like, "How do you manage when YOU'RE feeling overwhelmed?" and "How do you respond to conflict/crying/tantrums?" and "What's the purpose of arts and crafts in your classroom?" The answers you get from questions like these will tell you waaay more than what their training is.

And yes - we all got more colds when we transferred to the center, for the first 6-8 months. Then things evened out.

Both Pies have been in daycare since they were 3 months old. Ideally I would have liked to wait until they were walking but they both did very well. They still go full time - Pie 1 just finished pre-k and Pie 2 is in the twos class. I think it has been HIGHLY beneficial to their development and socialization.

Two days a week sounds like an ideal situation - I would love to be able to do that with the Pies. Though there will be some structure to the days at his age, it is nothing like formal school cirriculum so you can reassure your husband that he will still have lots of time to play and just be a kid while still gaining valuable skills.

More colds? Yup, but as others have said, it will even out and you may even see less colds compared to his classmates when he does start school. Good luck!

I went back to school the week GirlWho turned 1. My mom watched her while I was in class for the first semester. I realized that she needed to be around other kids more when she would watch Elmo videos and touch the screen and say "friends" and cry. Yeah, it was pathetic. I put her in a small center and she did great. She's been in several centers because we've moved so much, but she's always adjusted well. And yeah, we all had runny noses for a while, but no big deal. It's going to happen eventually. Better now than kindergarten. :)

Big O went 3 days a week to a Day School at our church. She was actually the first Second Generation kid at the school, as I'd gone there when I was little. it was non-demoniational, didn't stress the church at all other than being located in it, and was otherwise wonderful and affordable.

Thanks everyone. This is great!

Kathy - thank you for the detail. That's really good stuff. Especially the Define explicitly what you're looking for from a new situation... I really had started to think about but need to expand on it.

GG, yes, as others have pointed out, there's a big spike in colds. You'll get them, too. But when El Destructo turns around 3, you won't get them nearly as often or as hard. It's worth it, both for the school experience and the immune system boost.

Mamawho - "I realized that she needed to be around other kids more when she would watch Elmo videos and touch the screen and say "friends" and cry."

That's just conjured the saddest picture I've seen/imagined for a while. Brought a tear to my eye.

When i went to mother's group, she was about 3 months old. And she LOVED it. She adored the other babies, but the other babies were not like her. She is very forward, alert, keen to interact. The other kids were very still, withdrawn, wide-eyed and quiet. So i plan to have her at playgroup asap, because she LOVES the socialising. And i feel absolutely terrible that all she's got for friends are me and her dad. Cos she just lights up so much when another kid is around. There was a girl yesterday at our karate class, one of the students' younger sister, probably about 6 years old, and B just desperately wanted to smile at her, touch her hand, stare at her, giggle at her, crawl to her, whatever she could manage.

We did meet one little boy once who was just like B, alert, interested, wide eyed and grinning at everyone, reaching out for everything, like B does. Interactive with a capital I. But his mother is a bit antisocial i think. Or something. She wasn't at all keen to be friends. :(

So B is enrolled at playgroup for September, and i'm thinking of ringing and having her put in the July group as well, because i think she needs other kids around.

I don't really care about colds and flu, i figure that sort of stuff just makes you stronger. I'm not LOOKING for it, of course, but i consider it a small price to pay for B to have a friend.