A game

Mugabe Dead - Accidental victim of Party's own violence
"I didn't recognize him, I swear" says drunk deputy.

Mission Accomplished -- Wayne LaPierre Announces NRA to Dissolve. Admits NRA Stood for Nuts Run Amok.

Obama Wins!

Mystery Solved!

Listen, Do You Smell Something?
An in depth look at the danger of carbon monoxide

Socialist Party wins Congressional Majority
Thousands of 'liberals' come out of the closet to admit true leanings.

Women Explained.

Gas Prices Dramatically Reduced!

World Peace

Mysterious sea captain wins huge powerball jackpot!

Obama Dissolves McCain With Mysterious Eye Lasers, Gives Free Puppies to Everyone

Puppy Rampage! Hungry Dogs devour kid's Playground.
Obama unavailable for comment. Some observers blaime Wright

World admits eating meat is wrong. All cheese, marshmellows, and Jello vegetarian starting tomorrow.

Veronica Mars brought back from cancellation. CW says, "Oops."

James Burke crowned Emperor of the Universe!

Abortions for Some, Miniature American Flags for Others!

Planet "Krypton" Discovered!
Democracy Circumnavigated as Kryptonian "Super-Man" Appointed American President for Life

Floor Pie--"We must move forward... not backwards, not to the side, not forwards, but always whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom!"

Michael's on a roll tonight. I'm too tired to be clever however.

Kiwi, if you weren't already my friend, I'd "friend" you for your Ghostbusters quote!

Bill O'Reily Rant Ends in Spontaneous Combustion

Honda Unveils New Car Powered by Puppies (See, Barack knew what he was doing!)

World Hunger Crisis Solved!
Organic farming at all time high...

Dude, where's my horse?
Dutch Opium Disease wipes out entire species in a weekend

O3 staging a comeback
Self-repairing of the Ozone layer brings whale population to all-time high!

Leaf-Blowers Now Outlawed!

and of course :

Drought has broken!

and

Mary-jane decriminalised!

From the editorial section:
Killing for Peace is like Fucking for Chastity

I'd love to see

Pot across America! "We only wish we had legalized it sooner" said a donut munching Sen Grassley.

end bold?

Lottery winner re-opens skate shop and donates $1 million to build local park

@crazy: I'm drawing a blank at your reference. Was that a Simpson's episode?

Cancer cured. AIDS cured. World hunger - check.

World disco party ensues!

What I'm the only one that dreams about a world wide disco party breaking out?

Teachers and Football Players Switch Salaries in Dramatic Resolve for Solidarity

HBD - Nice!

Michael--Yes, it was from a campaign speech by Kodos posing as Bob Dole.

CPF: go ahead, throw your vote away!

Bol- sometimes I command more than I should when a simple < / b > would do.

Don't blame me, John T. Capp--I voted for Kodos!

GG - I'm with you on the worldwide disco party.

And after grocery shopping, I'd settle for:

"Food Prices Drop Dramatically!"

Dont begrudge football players! haha.

how about, "CEOs and Teachers switch salaries. CEOs admit, they don't work that hard anyway."

Jrms - tea through the nose... this has special meaning today as the company I work for board of directors have been all up in my in biz today. I'm ready for them get back on the plane.

Wow, GC! the board of directors is still there on a Friday? They must be putting in at least a 30 hour work week. ha!

Obama hands over victory to Clinton, agrees to be running mate

Ha. Just kidding.

LADY GREY WINS MILLIONS, SHARES WITH OS FRIENDS
Also gives generously to charities

Offsprung House Party Draws Police Intervention

U.S. Government dissolves, and America moves towards free market system.

Prohibition on drugs lifted, ending the "drug war" and eliminating many violent gangs.

FLDS children returned to parents, and families allowed to live their lives in peace wherever they chose.

George Bush finds brain in time capsule he buried in the ground as a child. He's still a dolt anyway.

U.S. Government dissolves, and America moves towards free market system.

Prohibition on drugs lifted, ending the "drug war" and eliminating many violent gangs.

FLDS children returned to parents, and families allowed to live their lives in peace wherever they chose.

George Bush finds brain in time capsule he buried in the ground as a child. He's still a dolt anyway.

Dictatorship Established
Warlord system unified after dissolution of US Government. "Much better than Cats", citizens say.

Solar Energy Efficiency increases 100 times. OPEC dissolved