I need some advice on how to break it to my kids that the man they consider their dad and I are not getting married. We have had our ups and downs for the last 4 years, but we have always tried to work things out, but it feels like this is it and I'm not sure how to break it to the kids. They love him unconditionally and he has been the only father they know. Since we are 3000 miles apart, it might be easier. But they still talk about him everyday and how they want to go live at his house and when are we going to get married. Fuck this is hard!

Unless your break up is over something totally reprehensible then I don't think that the kid should have to break up with him too.

I think the first thing you should do is have a talk with him about the kids and how little/how much contact he'll want to have with the kids when you too stop being romantically involved. Once that has been established and then you talk to the kids.

Once your kids become involved in your relationship they play almost as big a part in breaking up process as the couple.

I hope it all works out ok.

I agree with Kiwi -- if possible to keep him in their life I say go for it. If he's a positive role model, there is no reason to make them break it off with him too. My ex and I have developed a fairly good relationship for the benefit for our child and its been good for him, and for my younger son who is not his. The guy is a positive role model for both of them so even though I don't want to be romantically involved with him anymore, I still encourage them to have a relationship with him. Every now and then they ask whey we are not "together" but I always just say that sometimes adults grow apart and we are still friends (which isn't lying since we are.)