So our 2 1/2 year old (he will be 3 in October) has been a terror lately. Just awful. He hits his brothers, spits, streaks at an ear piercing pitch for the fun of it. He really seems to get off on bugging his brothers. He laughs at time outs. He is a terror. Don't get me wrong...he's super smart and cute too.

We have older kids, so we know the general basics of kid training and have been successful and parenting those kids...this one is giving me a real run for my money, though. The older boy's went through similar stages in their 3's. Please tell me this is the terrible two's and that I have not given birth to a monster. Any great tips to help with terrible twos?

"streaks" should be "shrieks"

I hope it's a phase, because I'm going through a very similar thing with A (just turned 3 last month).

I have discovered over the 13 1/2 years of parenting, it's always a "phase". They just fool you for a little bit in between "phases".

Run them until they are exhausted. They are cute and angelic when asleep. I think when you have other children you have less time to give to the younger ones, and they have surplus energy that needs to be burnt off somehow.

Oh Capt...I know your right. He is just wanting attention and energy that is divided between so many other people and things. I have started to take him to a play group that is just for him. We also signed him up for swim lessons that take place at the same time as his older brothers are going. I spend my time involved with his swim class, so that is added mommy time that he gets as well. But sometimes, I swear I can see little devil horns poking out of the wisps of hair on his head.

We would occasionally hire a "mothers helper" usually a pre teen girl (although one of the best was a boy) who wasnt quite ready to babysit on their own yet, but who would come over while we were home (usually when wife was home, and I was at sea) and take on one of the kids one on one, with instructions to excercise them. Preteens dont charge much, and you are prepping/test driving them to be an eventual real babysitter, when they are older.

sasy - we are going through the same thing with Pie 2 (who turned 2 in March). Sometimes he does hit and push his brother. He gets mad, really, really mad, frequently and throws out this...sound that's between a scream and a posession by demons grunt/shriek thing. He will hit and push me if he's really pissed off and I'm trying to hold him or carry him somewhere (and that behavior is not ignored.

I too hope its a phase. He has always been more energetic, more tempermental and more challenging than Pie 1 was.

Argh. The Dragon will be 3 in September and I just heard the demonic shriek for the first time last week. It made my blood run cold.

Not because of the shriek, but because of other things, I picked up a book called "The Highly Sensitive Child." It's helped us tremendously -- worth checking out if you think "sensitive," in both the positive and negative sense, might apply.

(The book also led us to other helpful resources including this site: www.preventiveoz.org -- click on "Image of My Child" -- very interesting snapshot of various temperament issues. It helped us break it down so we knew which types of issues to address.)

Otherwise, the gentle-and-compassionate yet firm-and-consistent approach is about the best I've got.

Actually, I've been wanting to get a mother's helper myself. There is a lovely preteen girl that lives in my complex who I think would just do a great job, I just haven't asked her mom yet. Really a great kid.

I second running him until he drops.

Or benadryl blowdarts. Those work too. I keep a stash in my linen closet.

Oh Sassy, I feel for you. My terror is now 6 and still a terror. Running this child doesn't work - he knows two speeds asleep and crazy on the go. He wakes up early, stays up late and never rests in between, in the summer anyway - during the school year he's on a schedule.

Ro also has allergies, so I've tried Benadryl for that thinking, "Yay! He'll be sleepy today." Ellie, evidently my little monkey is one of the rare but special children who actually gets jacked up on Benadryl. I didn't even know that was possible until him - it is, and he does!

I feel for you, Sasy. I often say that if I would've had Boy3 first, I'm not sure I would've been so eager to have another! Like yours, he is also smart, adorable, and loving. However, he can also make me feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.

This isn't some big revelation, and you're probably already doing it, but here's my 2 cents. I did these things consistently when I was a preschool teacher because they were paying me to & because it was a lab school with observation rooms & 2-way mirrors so you never knew who was watching. At home I try my best, but like most moms I've been known to get frustrated and wig out a little.

1. Bend down and talk to him at eye level, maybe putting your hands on his shoulders (gently) to make sure you have his attention.

2. Remember that most toddlers hit and bite as a way to initiate interactions as well as out of frustration, even if their expressive language as developed enough for them to articulate their thoughts. First let him know that hitting/biting is not ok, then model he words he could use and have him repeat you. Start with a short, consistent statment, like, "No hitting/biting. Hitting/biting hurts," then give him the words to get his point across; "Say, can I have a turn?".

3. When you tell him what not to do, give him choices for what he can do. When I had kids who would spit at their peers, after I'd do the whole spitting-at-your-friends-is-not-ok speech & faciltate conflict resolution, I'd walk them to the bathroom and let them know that if they felt the need to spit again, the toilet was the approriate place to do so. For repeat offenders, I'd walk them over to the toilet and ask them to spit until they thought they were done.

4. When I had a screamer, I'd remind them to use their inside voice. In the same vein as the spitting, when kids would scream or shriek, I'd walk them outside and ask them to get all their screams out before they could go back into the classroom to play. At home I've been known to walk my screaming child to the back door, open it, and say, "You can come back in and join us when you're done wigging out." Then I calmly (on the outside, inside I'm ready to wig out and scream myself!) shut the door and walk away. They usually scream a few more times, then kind of stand there with a WTF-look on their face, and eventually come inside.

I know you said your son is only 2, and distraction and redirection work best with little ones, i just thought I'd share what has worked for me. If not, you can always go with a toddler-size straight jacket & a mask like the one Hannibal wore in The Silence of the Lambs.

Martini - that's really helpful stuff! Thanks.

Oh Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement! I am relieved to know we are not the only ones out there who are dealing with terrible twos/threes.

Martini_ Thank you soo much for taking the time to write out those tips. I will be actively using them and hoping for the best. I do like the straight jacket and mask idea...I'll be filing that one away to use if things get worse.

when Sasychica leaves the house, I alternate between shaking him until he's quite and spiking his apple juice with Scotch.

We're out of the cheap stuff, though, so maybe running him around is worth a shot.

kisses,

jimbo