Okay...so I have been invited to a Bris. As I am not Jewish, this will be my first Bris, and I am quite lost. I read the Wiki...and I'm a little scared. There was some business of the metzitzah??!! Do they really so this?

Anyhow, what does one wear to a bris? Do I give a gift? If so, what would be appropriate? Any Bris ettiquite I should be aware of?

Okay...first off, from what I understand the metzitzah is a very old and very religious practice that isn't really done much these days, save for ultra orthodox. It certainly wasn't done for my son.

Don't be scared. In Jewish tradition, the Bris is one of the most important ceremonies in a boy's life. That said, I have personal mixed feelings about the bris. You basically say to everyone, "Hey, come on over. Have some food. Watch our baby be cut. It'll be fun."

The ceremony itself isn't graphic. There are a lot of prayers. Family members say some stuff about how great the baby is, etc. When it comes to the actual cutting part, it's easy to just look away or leave the room. Everyone involved is huddled around the baby, so it's hard to see anything anyway. That part only takes a few moments. After that, there's food and drink.

The whole thing was way more stressful for me and my wife than it was for the baby and/or any of our guests.

Not sure about attire. My son's was casual, but we're in LA, so everything is casual. I guess it depends on how formal/casual your friends are. But I'm guessing a little bit dressed up, but comfortable clothes would be fine.

I don't think a gift is necessary. Honestly, it was such a blur that I can't remember if we got them or not. Maybe somebody else can help fill in those gaps.

I hope this helps. And is coherent.

I'm not Jewish but my ex-in-laws are and I'm almost certain when my ex's nephew had his bris there were gifts. Like DGB says, the dress code ranged from business casual to slightly dressier for the key family members. And I not only left the room, I slipped out the back door at the key moment. But no one noticed or cared. Then it's just like any baby-related party, everyone eats and it's cool.

Bring a small baby gift, wear something clean and tasteful, feel free to look away during the ceremony, and above all, enjoy the lox!

The kid gets a decent amount of wine, considering his body mass. He'll be fine. Just don't try to rescue the baby and you'll be fine.

Oh Michael, we could get into SUCH a circumcision fight! Flame War!!

circumcision = less chance of HIV

back to you Ruth!

(I don't really have a dog in this fight, but I'd like to see what passes for a flame war on OS!)

circumsicion = less chance of HIV in Africa where AIDS is endemic.

Teach your children proper hygeine and safe sex and it shouldn't be a problem. Without circumcision.

And studies show that boys who get circumcised without pain meds develop a lower tolerance for pain that lasts throughout their lives. No offense to anyone, but when I look at my son's itty bitty uncircumcised penis, I just can't fathom how anyone can cut his or her baby in the most sensitive area on his body. Seems like, as long as people have been circumcising their babies, that if boys were meant to not have foreskin, it would have or will evolve away.

Hat tip to LG.

Ok, here's my whole way-too-long story. I didn't want to circ first son but husband (Jewish but non-observant) wanted to do it, but not with a bris, just with the doctor. I conceded much against my better judgment. Our birth center had the families come back a week or two after delivery so the OB could do the circ outpatient. I had 2 weeks to live with my perfect intact baby.

After the circ, which DID include a dorsal nerve block, he screamed every time I opened his diaper. EVERY single time, for at least 3 days, the minute the air hit his penis. And I don't want to be too dramatic but after seeing him for 2 weeks prior to circumcision, the term "genital mutilation" didn't seem too harsh for what I was seeing.

Cut to son number 2. We did not circ him, but then by 4 months old he needed surgery to correct a urinoma that resulted from having a very shortened foreskin. This procedure was done under general anesthesia and with an epidural on top of that, completely numbing his entire pelvic region. When he came home we were armed with a prescription for infant tylenol with codeine, but he never even needed it.

So, I guess my conclusion is that when pain management is very comprehensive and the nerve endings don't have the opportunity to be activated, the procedure could be pretty painless, but the way circumcisions are routinely done this is not the case, and I think that proper hygiene can make up for any potential increases in risk to future sexual partners.

The end.

Boxed sangria responsible for any typos and hyperbole.

Thanks for all the advice! I had a feeling this might turn into a circumcision debate. My eldest (6) is cut...I had him in the states...actually I don't even think the hospital charged for it. But my baby (16mo) is not. We live in Sri Lanka, and unless you're Muslim (and this is a Buddhist country??) you can't find a doc who will do it. I had some pretty heated debates with the 3 docs we asked. I even asked one of them. "Is it not better that I am coming in here informed, making a solid decision based on knowledge rather than blindly following religious ritual?" He said no...better if I were Muslim. Maybe I should have worn a Hijab...

My friend even had to fly a Mohel here from Israel. It's because there are 5 Jews in Sri Lanka. Seriously. I know them all...

Again...thanks for the tips. I'm so glad I don't have to look (as is my husband).

Oh...and I should add...we are circumcising the little guy in Sept, in Tokyo. You know, Disneyland, sushi, removal for foreskin...what a holiday. I think we'll do Disneyland AFTER the procedure!
Then his big brother will feel better...he can't quite understand why his little bro's penis is as long as his. He calls is "Aidan's elephant trunk".

If you're going to do it, a mohel is the way to go. Both my sons showed no signs of distress afterwards and didn't complain at all during diaper changes. The mohel goes over diapering and penis care very thoroughly and calls to check in a few days later as well. I had the boys in two different places so I had two different mohels. The second time around we'd only lived here a short time and I had to ask around for a referral. I got this guy:

http://rabbichirnomas.com/nytimes.html

He was pretty amazing.

I hate the whole debate. We did it, the boys are fine. If others choose not to, that's fine, too.

well, shoot. You people aren't nearly as easy to rile up as my kids.

Mo and Max had their's done when they were still in the hospital. Our Ob/family doctor carried Mo out and came back laughing. He was asleep the entire time and even peed on her mid cut. They healed quickly and without complaint at diaper time.

I'm not going to join the debate though I'll say we had our reasons and if this next one's a boy we'll do it again.

Our mohel was essentially a stand up comedian. Joked his way through the whole thing. Made it as entertaining as possible for everybody who was there and who was uncomfortable. That is, until cutting time, when he was all business.

The baby got loaded up on some wine. He was totally fine after. It was way worse on poor LBG. But hey...we're Jews. There's no debate for us.

I have no beef with it for religious reasons.

The argument I despise is when people do it so that their boys won't look "different". You're subjecting a tiny infant to unnecessary pain just so it can be more "aesthetically pleasing". They all look the same when they're, uh, being used. Proper hygiene and safe sex education takes care of the STD risk. Even though we had decided beforehand to not circ any of our boys (dad isn't and gave firm, emphatic NOs to the conversation. I couldn't fault him, because I'd give a hell no to the idea of a scalpel on my dainty bits.), when they asked us if we wanted to circ Alex, I just could not fathom why anyone who had a baby in NICU (THAT WASN'T JEWISH!) would put their kid through even MORE pain if they didn't have to.

Will someone please ease my ignorance of Judaism by explaining why you all do this? What is holy about cutting off foreskin? I mean, great if it was done way back when because they found it curtailed diseases, but how did it become a religious ceremony. Was it to differentiate themselves from other religions?

So...I went to the bris. I actually thought it was quite interesting. It was very tense until the deed was done, but then quite a fun little party. Unfortunately no bagels and lox. They probably had like a 400% import tax or something. So we had fish samosas and pappadam! It was the first bris done in Sri Lanka in over 50 years so the press was there...hilarious. I'll send the link when they print the story. Thanks for all the advice!

Lady Grey...If I were a better Jew, I'd have an answer for you.

Mtambuzi...Glad you had fun. Would love to see that story when it's printed.

As promised here's the story: http://www.sundaytimes.lk/080817/Plus/sundaytimesplus_27.html