I work in an urban setting - it wouldn't be off-base to call it inner city. Yesterday, a coworker asked me sneeringly if I'd had my tubes tied, since I had a caesarean. (Note - c-sections are also sneered upon. Real women can deliver their breech twins the old fashioned way. Without drugs, too.)

I grinned and said "yes!" My dear co-worker, who on a somewhat unrelated note told me months ago that she didn't know why we celebrate a holiday for lovers on the anniversary of the Valentine's Day massacre, explained to me that I'd done a dumb thing because my boys could be murdered. In fact, she has agreed to have another kid with her boyfriend because it would be awful to have her only child die.

I thought that it would be awful to lose a child no matter what, but coworker D set me straight. You must have a back-up kid in case something happens to one of them. Doing so will prevent you from being mentally and spiritually destroyed in case one of the two gets gunned down. With a spare around, you'll be just mildly inconvenienced, like when you lose cable when a show you want to watch is on.

Just thought you should know.

And my comment vanished. Odd.

And now it's back. Odder still.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Wow.

I will admit that when I considered having other kids after Alex, I had to consider the fact that Alex will always be with a member of the family, and I didn't want him to be an only child because neither I or my husband wanted him to go to our families. We had always wanted more than one, and who better to take care of Alex if R and I shuffle off of this mortal coil than his brother and sister? (and this is assuming we die when everyone is grown)

I'm going to have another child to have one more to train to vacuum and mow the lawn. As it stands, we'll lose our labor force here in about 13 years as they age out of our home. I need to keep things moving along. After that, I'll tap into the grandchildren.

wow what a nut. I've heard similar... like, have enough so that if the first one is gay etc., you still get grandkids.

Jexus people, wake the fuck up. You have as many as you want/can have/can afford/can handle/agree upon with partner etc., whatever happens after that is separate. I'm not gonna have ten kids, just so i've got one left in the event of fire, flood, famine, international terrorism, cult indoctrination, homosexual tendencies, driveby shooting, sterility and earthquake. Fuck that.

i think it's a bit unbalanced to think that having a 'spare' is going to make you less emotional when you 'lose' one. (What if you lose both, eh?? she got an answer for that?)

Worse yet, what if the second kid is the unhinged neurotic that murders the first? THEN how would you be?

Bah humbug.

For the record, i DO want more, but not because i'm waiting around for someone to top Beenie.

The idea that people like that get to have ANY kids makes me a little woozy!

good point. What's the bet she's one of those mothers that's all "WHEN AM I GONNA GET SOME GRANDCHILDREN, CHERISE??"

Oh, once my kids are out of college and in relationships, I'm going to be up their asses about grandchildren. I want some kids to sugar up and send back. My Aunt used to do that to me, and it seems like lots of fun if you're not on the receiving end of the children. My kids would be bouncing off of the walls for hours and when I'd call to yell at my Aunt, she'd just laugh evilly.

Also, BoL...Hee. Cult Indoctrination. Snerk.

Man, I'm still so tired by raising the first one that the idea of grandkids hasn't even popped into my head as like, a thing to want or whatever. Do people really think that far ahead? Does it really matter so much to people if they have grandkids? Couldn't they just get a dog?

man, does that mean I can just keep my spare kids in the closet until I need them? Like extra paper towel rolls? awesome.

God, can you imagine being the poor "just-in-case" kid? Yipes.

Your co-worker is a nutbar.

McGlory - it helps me not fear getting old so much. I keep wanting to enjoy Katie's baby phase as long as I can because I ADORE the baby phase and this is the last time I'll get to do it. Who knows, maybe all my kids will not ever want kids and I'll have to find a hobby or some other way to pester them. It's only fair that I drive them nuts, as they've spent the last nine years making me crazy.

I had two miscarriages in a row before I managed to have B. For a long time, I really did fear for his life. I love him so much, and at the time, I honestly thought I was only going to get to have him for a short time and that he would die.

So when AlphaGeek started making noise about having another one, a little voice in my head was whispering to me, "wouldn't it be nice to have another baby, in case something happens to B?" So, I agreed.

Well, when the pregnancy turned into even more of a nightmare than the first one, I found myself hating the new baby. Even more when I found out it was a girl, since I'd been hoping for another boy. At the same time, I felt horrible guilt for this that has persisted to this day. I never hated B when I was pregnant, so I couldn't figure out where this was coming from. This guilt/anxiety complex tends to rule my life. I'm so afraid of something happening to her, because what if it's my fault because I felt that way? What if I made it happen?

Yes, I AM in therapy for this, why do you ask? ; )

What a horrible thing to say to somebody.

My husband used similar reasoning to get out of a vasectomy. I pointed out that if anything (God forbid) happened to our kids I'd be too distraught to come out from under the bed, let alone breed some new ones.

I can think of no reason to have more children. To be completely honest if I wouldn't have accidentally gotten pregnant with the 2 I have I wouldn't have any. I never had any desire to have kids (I'd become an aunt at age 5 and ended up with 13 nieces and nephews total. I was all babied out).

I got pregnant with 1st kid and was pretty much like "sure why not" and I was happy about his pending arrival. 2nd kid is only here because my nuva ring failed and after deep personal introspection I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle an abortion. I love 2nd kid dearly but I resented the hell out of her my entire pregnancy.

Both my boys were (wonderful) accidents. I'm pregnant now (7 weeks today OS!) and this one was very very planned and pained over.

Does it sound cheesy to say that our family doesn't feel complete yet? Sailor and I always saw ourselves as the parents of 3 or 4. We'll have to see after this one if we really want to add another the the clan.

We do know that this will most certainly be the last we have the ole fashioned way.

Also, your coworker is a serious nutter and I'd hate to be her second "just in case" kid.

Tell your coworker that she's now tempted fate, whereas her only child was previously safe from crime.

I'd love to have another kid if finances allowed in the next 4 years (our cutoff time). When we first began talking about it, we had to first talk about our fears that another premature birth might happen. The odds are about 50-50, since we don't know what caused Ebay's, it could have been a fluke or extreme stress or it could have been incompetent cervix that didn't present with the first pregnancy. We realized that even if we did have another preemie, and that baby didn't turn out as healthy as as Ebay, it would still be a loved child, part of the family, totally worth it.

You never know what's going to happen, good or bad.

Why DO we celebrate love on the day of the St. Valentines Massacre? Kidding!

Ellie, If someone was sugaring up my child on purpose I'd kill them just to watch them die. I don't know how you let your aunt live. Hopefully, whoever sugared up my child isn't an only child themselves, because then their family would have no backup offspring.

ahahaha. nice one.

if anyone sugars up my kids - especially on purpose - that's totally the last time they get contact, i don't care who it is.