i have a family funeral to attend and no sitter.

kids are 6, 3 and 2 weeks.

we have mom, dad and 1 uncle who can run interference. i will pack a bag of crayons and notebooks and lacing cards for silent entertainment.

i have nothing but summer dresses and sandals for the girls... will that be a big breach of ettiquite?

what else would people suggest to get through this without offending anyone?

I took Big O with me to my grandmother's funeral partly because she was too young (2) to understand the sadness, but also because everyone in the family wanted to meet her and asked me to bring her. She happily ran around the family graveyard picking flowers at the top of a gorgeous hill in WV while Grammi's ashes were interred by my father and his siblings.

It was just immediate family at the funeral, so probably yours will have a different dynamic, plus I know your kids are older than 2.

When my grandfather died we wore colorful summer dresses. Nobody considered it inappropriate or anything (we were 8, 5, and 2.5). Most of the time I found that people appreciate having kids (and thus joy and a reminder of the other side of the circle of life) at a funeral. It gives some relief to the grief.

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't see anyone chastising you for the kids' outfits. Where can you get a somber dress for a 3-year-old in August?

If they get noisy, you can leave the sanctuary.

Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't worry too much about people being offended by sundresses on children. Children are children.

Having been to my first funeral when I was about six, however, I have to say that you really want to watch how comfortable or uncomfortable your six-year-old is with it, and to be prepared for some tough questions. I was brought right up to my great-grandmother's open casket and had recurring nightmares for over a year as a consequence. My mother had a no-more-funerals policy for me after that. Fortunately I was 14 before I lost another relative.

I've been to lots of funerals and I've always felt that children bring a welcome breath of obliviously fresh air to an otherwise heavy situation. There's nothing more cathartic than the laughter that comes after a kid says something completely inappropriate. It might be embarrassing for the parent of the kid who loudly "whispers" "I have to go potty NOW!" but everybody else appreciates it.

I'm sorry this is a question you have to deal with.

I second/third the comments above. No worries about the sundress (anyone who would disapprove at something so innocent would find SOMETHING to disapprove of in any case), but talk to your 6 year old. I wouldn't have brought SBT#1 at 6, but I would bring #2 - different kids, different emotional reactions to big philosophical events.

I think its important for kids to be part of this part of life. Younger Son attended my mother's funeral when he was only 3 months old, Older Son was not quite 6. Older Son had a great relationship with his grandmother and the funeral helped him with the grieving process.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My kids attended their grandfather's funeral when they were 6, 4 and 18 months. There was a room downstairs for them to run around in during the visitation so all the grandchildren were down there (I ended up being the babysitter because it was my husband's father) people came down to see the kids.
During the service our 18 month old and his 9 month old cousin stayed downstairs (my mother came to the funeral and took over babysitting so we could all be at the service) and the older two came to the service. They were very well behaved. People will understand if one of them needs to leave for any reason.

I'm sorry for your loss. As far as having kids at the service, I will say that one of the hardest memorial services of my life was made bearable by the baby that was there, reminding me that life goes on.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I've never taken my children to a funeral service, although they've attended many visitations. The service itself I'm afraid would just be too hard with all the crying and expectations.

I think anything the children wear would be acceptable as most people don't have an endless supply of dark colored clothing for their children.

My only peice of advice - and take of it what you will - is that you warn your children of how to repsect the actual deceased person. I say this because I wish someone would have told my cousin that before she brought her kids.

My grandmother recently passed away back in March and a cousin from out of town brought her three children. I was quite offended that she not only allowed her children to climb up and touch my grandmother - alone, unsupervised by anyone, but thought it was funny when they started removing her jewlery and wearing it themselves.

My mother was mortified, and it was a very awkard momment. Looking back I can see some humor in it, but being in the moment it was not funny. Her girls, ages 6, 4 & 3 probably did provide some releif to the distant relatives, but to those of us who were still mourning my grandmother and in shock, were a little taken aback. I don't know...I guess other's may find it funny.

No Rachell...not funny at all. Your cousin needs a swift smack.

Yikes, Rachel! Yeah, sounds like your cousin should have talked with her kids about what's appropriate, not to mention watching them more closely. Not funny to me.

Nope, Rachell, that is completely inappropriate.

We've taken N to many funerals and A has been to two (my extended family has been dropping like flies in the past few years). I've never found that anyone has had a problem with their presence and I've also never had N have any issues with it either. He's had questions, and I've made sure that he's kept away from open caskets, but otherwise I figure it's a part of life and they need to be able to deal with it.

Just keep them occupied and as quiet as possible and I don't expect you'll have any problem. And sundresses are perfectly acceptable on young children.

I went to a funeral down South for my mother's people while I was pregnant. Some of the kids took off their shoes and ran around barefoot during the viewing. No one said anything but uh... some of the middle class peeps were uncomfortable - the country folk didn't even notice.