I'm an occasional lurker without kids (for now)- I love the articles and blogs here for the writing and humor, and I was a nanny for a long time, so I have some interest/experience in the whole childhood development thing. Anyway, I am a big fan of TM's writing on here, so I was excited when I recognized her story on Salon this week. It's a really compelling read. Also, Jezebel did a supportive post about her Salon piece. I'm going to try to link to them...

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/08/18/heather_ryan/

http://jezebel.com/5038986/salon-writer-struggles-to-feed-her-children-is-berated-by-commenters

Ooh, thanks for linking to this. Of course, in reading the comments on Salon, I think again that this is a weird sane oasis in the fucked up hurtful world that is the internet. Really, "shitting out three kids?" To whom is appropriate to say that, ever, in any circumstance?

Hi Tangerine! Thanks for posting!

Tangerine, thanks for this post! I'm glad I got to see the article. I love TM's work, but I'm kind of sorry I read any of those comments. I only got through about 2 pages and then I had to stop. What horrible, horrible people are out there!

I really appreciate TM's Salon article and thought it was beautifully done. By reading only the editor's picks comments, you miss out on the ass-hattery.

I had to stop reading the comments too less I throw something at my monitor in anger.

When 1st kid was a baby and I was still in college I found myself in the same situation as TM. I worked but I got no child support from the dead beat(despite a court order) and no one in my family was in a situation to help me. It truly sucks being in that in between where you make too much to qualify for any gov't assistance but too little to make ends meet.

Kudos to TM for being able to make it over.

Those comments made my teeth hurt.

I love Offsprung.

I don't know how I managed to miss this comment but I can't believe the person who said DON'T HAVE KIDS OR INSTEAD WORK TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE TENABLE FOR YOUR CHILDRENS SAKE! If 'staying together for the kids' was the cure for all social ills then there wouldn't be two parent households that are as disadvantaged as TM was at the time.

These are some profoundly ignorant comments.

There are very few places on the internet, really, without at least a few commenters like that. It's one of the reasons I keep coming back to Offsprung even though I'm not in the target demographic, y'all are so eloquent and rational and nice, even when disagreements arise. Hopefully the trolls never find this little corner of the web.

Seriously, Kiwi. I only read the first few comments and then I went to editor's choice for the sake of my laptop, as those are generally less obnoxious as the regular ones.

But, even though my parents stayed together while we were kids and had a relatively happy marriage, I can distinctly remember times when, if there had been a soup kitchen or food bank in our area, we definitely would have ended up there. Coal mining in the 80s (my dad's occupation at the time) was not particularly steady work. As it was, we had a pantry full of government cheese and ate lots of beans and things my dad had killed. We were on food stamps a few times and welfare once--it was in the early 90s when the "earn your welfare check" thing was starting and so Dad had to work as a janitor in my school for a while. Which of course led to a miserable time for myself and my sisters, junior high kids being the complete assholes they are. I honestly don't know how my mom managed to keep the mortgage paid and all of us fed and clothed sometimes. Things got better, of course, and now my parents are both gainfully employed in relatively well paying jobs and my sisters and I are all educated and employed as well, so there is that.

But really, I don't think those sorts of experiences are terribly uncommon here in the land of plenty. And compared to a lot of people in the world, we were practically rich, as we always had our home and never went hungry for more than a meal or two at a time, but still.

So good for TM for having the guts to put that out there and fuck all those idiots who've had the privilege and luck to never have had to experience hard times in their lives and don't recognize the luck involved in it.

People speak poorly of government cheese but it actually really isn't that bad. It also makes a very tasty grilled cheese sandwich. The government issued peanut butter is total crap though.

Tangerine, I read Offsprung for the same reasons. I also don't have kids (though I do work with them), but the posters here are just so good to each other. And clever and funny, to boot.

I loved this article...it's the first one I read by Terrible Mother.

And those commenters are assholes.

I must remind you all that the soup-kitchen piece first ran on Offsprung more than a year ago. Offsprung: Where pieces run first.

And, where the commenters are not fuckwads.