I would really like to hear from those of you, especially the guys, who would have made a different decision than I did. I truly want to hear from you because I really need some perspective. Of course commiseration is always welcome, but I just really need to check myself.
Situation: Pie 1 gets a nasty, nasty head bump Sunday evening. Of course I’m freaked out and push right past my husband who tries to tell me he’ll take care of it. Call the on-call line for the doc’s office, after describing incident and response, they determine it’s okay to just watch him.
Next day, he falls at school, gets another head bump and I call on-call again. Told again it’s okay to just watch, but to call back if certain things happen. I’m supposed to wake him up during the night and get him up and around. The second time I do, at around 3:00 am, he complains of a headache when he walks around, but not when he is laying down. So I call on-call again. Ice for 20 minutes, call back if he gets worse. 20 minutes later, he’s crying that it hurts now even when laying down.
I decide to take him in to the ER. They check him over and determine he is okay. Later in the day, he develops a fever. I call on-call AGAIN, because along with the headache earlier, he says his neck hurts a bit when touching chin to chest. Of course I think meningitis. On-call tells me I should bring him in because he is claiming he can’t remember his first fall.
Pie dad asks him in a different way and he gives the whole story. Call on-call again to let them know he does remember, but now they are a bit concerned about the meningitis angle, even though they basically dismissed it the first time. They decide to have one of the doctors call me (all previous calls were from Children’s Hospital nurses). Doctor says I should take him in. So I decide to.
Husband is pissed at me, thinks it’s a waste of time and money and that I tend to over-react. I know that I do, but I just worry that the one time I don’t respond, will be the one time I should have. So now, $200 worth of co-pays later, he is right that they will just look him over and send us on our way.
Of course this has happened before – I worry about something and want to take the kid in to be seen, especially when nurses tell me to, but hubby thinks I’m over-reacting. Most times he has been right, but there were the exceptions when Pie 1 ended up hospitalized with RSV and Pie 2 ended up hospitalized (twice) with Croup. Now I always flash back to those times and justify the trip to myself.
What would you do?

I'd do what you did. You made several calls, got different answers, but enough "Come in"s to justify your concern. And given your history, there's more reason as well. Plus, well, head injuries are nothing to mess around with, especially two in a row followed by headaches, neckaches and crying long after the fact. Some injuries take a couple days to develop.

I think we generally in this country/culture/whatever tend to be removed from our gut instincts. We're told to consider the facts and nothing more. But we have instincts for a reason, and I think it's always better to follow through on instincts and have them proven wrong than ignore them and regret it later. Especially when you're talking about your kid's health.

The last thing that occurs to me is that every partnership needs the cautious one and the cavalier one. Doesn't always have to be the same person in each role, but if you can both deal with the periodic irritation, it's actually a really good balance. Hopefully. :)

Research has shown that witnesses are a flawed idea, and can be made to remember things that didn't happen. I'm sure that's doubly possible with kids.

All I'm trying to say is if he didn't remember it the first time and it felt wrong, you did the right thing.

After all, how much worse would you feel if something did turn out to be wrong?

PBM, I always go in if the nurse's tell me to go in. I know they err on the side of caution so are more likely to suggest a visit, but that's why they're there, to take the decision making process out of my hands. So I don't think you overreacted, I would have definitely done the same thing.

I also like what Kathy said, about the caution and cavalier parent. It's good to have both perspectives working, as long as you can try not to be mad at each other :)

I don't tend to overreact in these kinds of situations, but I'm still sometimes right and sometimes wrong. Earl Grey usually errs on the side of not taking Girl Grey in while I err on the side of do. Two times we've kind of ignored her symptoms and when we finally took her in she had an ear infection one time and walking pneumonia/double ear infection another. Talk about feeling like shit!

My one bit of advice (which I have a hard time following) is this. If you are going to do what you want to do anyway, don't ask your husband for his opinion. This only makes husbands feel like their opinion is not valued. I usually just say, "Girl Grey has been complaining of XX, I'm going to take her in to have it checked out." Of course we want our husbands' opinion and perspective, but I agree that we have instincts for a reason and it's better to listen to them.

I'm a slightly neurotic mom (who? me?) so I generally am in the "let's take him just in case" camp. I've been right about 60% of the time -- this has included viral rashes, a hairline clavicle fracture, the time Miles put his teeth through his lower lip (which you couldn't tell just by looking).

I'm on your side PBM. Glad he's okay.

$200 in copays would seem like pittance if you didn't go and it was serious. It's easy to look back on something and say "see, I told you", but in the moment, I would have done just what you did, too.

it's sad that we have to think about money when we're scared about our health. It's not a comment about you, it's a comment on the health system.

As far as I know, anyone that you call will say to bring him in. They are too afraid of saying "don't worry about it" and then something happening.

It's not really about if ANYONE agrees with you. It's if you felt like you did the correct thing at the time it needed to be done.

I was trained as a first responder for the local Ski Patrol. It's made me feel a lot more at ease when situations like this arise.

I think Lady Grey's advice is spot on. My spouse worries about this stuff less than I do and is more relaxed about it (which makes me envious). Often I finally say something like, look, I will have no peace of mind about this if we don't get it checked out. It is worth the co-pay for me. Of course, none of this stuff has happened at night or on the weekend when we would need to go to the emergency room... oh wait. It has with the dogs. And boy was that pricy. But we generally agree it's better to take them in than not.

I'll third LG's advice.

Also, I tend to be the one that's with the kids the most, so I don't even ask AlphaGeek's opinion anymore. I feel my gut instinct has served me well, even for situations that weren't dire. The best thing is that AG doesn't feel put out by my actions, and the few times I ask for his advice, he has usually agreed with me.

Our family is a bit of a mixed bag in terms of responses.

I'll tend to wait things out, but set deadlines/criteria for going in (ie- complaining of sore throat: if child is still not eating tomorrow, or stops drinking, we go in).

I don't really ask my spouses opinion because he would sooner have his fingernails pulled out by the roots than go to a hospital/er/walk in clinic. So since it's my "problem", it's my decision. I'm usually the one who's monitoring anyway, so he wouldn't be in a good position to make a decision for some of the chronic stuff, because he's not the one with the thermometer in hand.

However, he is a "just do something" person, which may be sterotypical male behaviour. Just give the kid tylenol, cough syrup, SOMETHING to make it stop. Then he gets really POed when the medication doesn't fix the problem. I tend to medicate only at sleeptimes, unless the fever is truly making the kid uncomfortable. I assume the medication will do jack sh*t (in the case of cough syrups anyway).

It's funny, I have a similar reaction to your story as I do to my wife when she gets like this...Ah, you're over-reacting. Don't worry about it so much.

THAT SAID...Don't listen to me. Don't listen to your husband. Listen to your mom instinct. I've learned that the mom instinct is indeed a force to be reckoned with and is usually okay.

Even though you may have over-reacted this time around, better that than to miss on something horribly awry.

I would react exactly the way your husband did, and my wife would do exactly what you did.

go with your gut, combined with what the nurses are telling you. 200 bucks to be told nothing is wrong isn't wasted- it was used to make sure, and it's sure as shit less than the gouging you'd get if it got serious and he had to be admitted (like heburb, a comment about the injustice of US health care, not your decision).

Thanks everyone - a few hours of sleep have given me a bit of perspective, but I'm still feeling a bit wonky about the whole thing.

I have learned to trust and follow my mom instinct even though sometimes it turns out to be nothing. I'm seasoned enough now that, unless there is something really "off", I will only take them in if there are clear symptoms that are, or could be, signs of something serious. In other words, if he didn't have a sore neck to go along with the fever (and no other cold/flu type symptoms), I probably would have waited until morning to take him in to the doc's office.

Kathy - I think you are right about the cautious and cavilier partners. It does create a good balance, although sometimes creates friction as well, but life would be boring without a bit of disagreement I suppose.

LG - I agree that your point about asking opinions is a good one. In cases like this, I don't usually outright ask his opinion, but I am generally seeking his approval (not permission, however). First as a validation of my instinct and second to maintain harmony whenever possible. I will rethink my approach to the way I handle situations like this in the future. Thanks for pointing that out.

'Sprungers are the best!!!

I know it's all over now, but I wanted to say something about Lady Grey's comment. I think my wife (and possibly other women) ask men for their opinion just hoping it matches theirs, even though they have every intent of doing what they want anyway. So, be prepared for an opinion that doesn't match and maybe deal with that.

Diggy - that's actually pretty much how I am 90% of the time. I'm a total pain in the ass. :)

PBM - late to the thread but just wanted to say thank goodness he was ok. Our house dynamic is very similar...and my husband is usually OK with let's go with your instinct. Hopefully after some sleep and somec conversation your hubby gave you a hug & kiss. :)

Everything is fine today between hubby and me - we both needed a good nights rest and some distance from the situation. Pie 1 has now developed another problem (not super serious) that requires a doctor visit tomorrow, but so far hubby and I are on the same page. I am so over my week from hell. I'll update tomorrow after the dr. visit - I'm just over it all right now.

I'm glad everything turned out well, but I just wanted to add that, in my opinion, you can never be too careful with head injuries.

Glad everything's okay.

Here's my personal feeling on the issue: my husband may be absolutely right that "it's nothing", but I'd rather hear that from the pediatrician.