I’ll take sex, please.

No, really, I’m trying to gauge just where Ylime and I fall in comparison to others in our evolving attitudes toward our children’s exposure to popular media. I, for one, tend to err on the side of puritanism, almost; if I had my way, the Button would not see any violent death on screen–large or small screen–for many a year yet. Nor would she see a lot of explosive but deathless violence (which is, to me, even worse, in many ways). This means that I deny her some of my favorite works, including The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and really, most superhero motif entertainment. I am crying on the outside; imagine what I’m doing on the inside.

As far as sex goes, I am definitely comfortable with her seeing lots and lots o’ naked folk. I’m actually comfortable with anyone doing that, in fact. Not ready for her to see the humpin’, although I’d put that in front of A-Team style explosions where guys end up with their pants burning and none the worse for wear. Except for their pants, I mean.

What about you delightful people? Do you impose any restrictions at all, and just grumble when your kid’s school shows them Batman Begins? Or is it full-on free speech in your home?

I go for sex over violence any day. Actually, my kids see very little of either. Though my husband did capture a shark special on Nat Geo that includes a very graphic discussion of a diver getting decapitated. That was one of our finer moments in parenthood!

Believe it or not, I choose violence over sex. I don't know why, exactly. I guess because my kid is more interested in violence. We don't show him much SCARY violence, but slapstick cartoon violence, even superhero cartoon violence, doesn't bother me much. He just doesn't seem ready for the sexy stuff yet.

I have no idea. It hasn't come up yet. O_O

I'm with Neal. Cartoony violence also lends itself well to talking about what's real and not.

Sailor really doesn't like Tom and Jerry but he likes Bugs Bunny and his ilk. I don't like Looney Toons (is that them or the next generation?) but I grew up on a T&J.

Mo (and Max sometimes) watch movies with both and we're more about talking about the sex and violence than keeping it out of sight. But we saved it for when Mo was a little older.

My father had an interesting kind of parental philosophy. If you are going to watch something watch it to the end. I was so ready to turn off Legend and I would have probably had nightmares for weeks but my dad talked me through it and we watched it til the end. The resolution really helped. I'd remember how scary it was and then say 'Yes but A, B, and C happened and now Tom Cruise has his girlfriend back.'

In the abstract, this is one of those classic liberal/conservative Rorschach tests - liberals see violence as more morally problematic and vice versa for conservatives.

But in the concrete example of your own kids, AD, you bring up a good point - there's "appropriate" violence for kids, where people don't get hurt and it's kind of silly, but what's the comparable form of sex for kids?

A virtual Acme catapult goes out to Alternadad.

The 'appropriate' level of 'sex' for kids isn't sex itself, but seeing passionate kisses on TV (gross, per my son who is watching me write this).

The issue is also about conversation and values vs. action. Your kids will never need to ask you what a roundhouse kick is, because they see it. But when they ask you what masturbation is, the conversation stops and everybody looks at you.

I'll side with Neil on this one.

We're more concerned about violence, but our definintion of such leaves plenty of wiggle room. My child watches Star Wars and has since she was four. We avoid realistic violence and anything war related. At her age, she has a hard time thinking outside of the framework of good and bad. This was an issue when my husband was in the Army, too. She tends to assign sides to parties in a conflict on the screen.

I'm more comfortable with her seeing nudity, but not necessarily sex scenes yet. She won't understand or like the answers I give her when she asks me about what's going on. She won't even let me give her a basic boys and girls discussion.

Michael - I can totally picture the "gross" comment.

And re: the roundhouse kick, although he won't see that at home I assume that he sees kissing in real life - does he say gross to seeing you kiss your wife too?

Why do kids find sexuality gross?

Older Son was always very mature in terms of his preference for movies. I took him to see The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc when he was about 3, and he sat mesmerized by the story for the entire 2.5 hours. He didn't at first like "kid" movies, until he started school and heard the other kids talking about them. Then he joined in, and thankfully since Younger Son loves them and this makes it easier.

Younger Son is a bit different -- he can't sit still through even a kid movie. So, when we take him along for the movies, we have to really think about what kind of violence is in them. He gets scared easily.

Of course, Star Wars is the exception. He's a huge fan and has been for some time.

The only thing that both boys cringe at is love scenes. Those are icky.

mm - I think part of is that kids aren't comfortable with the thought of leaving home and starting a new life with a family of their own. They can't imagine themselves in such a relationship. I remember feeling this way when I was a little kid.

I don't know that we're in the either/or camp really. When they were really little we would just skip parts of movies that would disturb them. My kids are prone to nightmares and are pretty sensitive so I censor stuff. I've found too that too much violence (even Star Wars) makes them nutty and I can't stand nutty.

The thing is that a "kid" movie isn't appropriate for all ages of kid and isn't necessarily appropriate for all kids anyway. So to say that you can't enjoy The Iron Giant with your kid isn't necessarily true...you can't enjoy it now with her but she'll be ready for it at some point and then you will.

I don't mind cartoon/non-realistic violence. The boys watch stupid cartoons like Ben 10, Tom and Jerry, and superhero movies. I also don't mind nudity, kissing, and such done in a matter of fact way, although I'd draw the line at actual sex.

We do censor the boys' entertainment a bit, but it's more about the theme of the movie/tv show than it is about actual violent or sexual content. And we discuss a lot, especially with N. So I'm comfortable with them watching something like Spiderman, Star Wars, or the first few Harry Potter movies, but not the later Harry Potters, Pan's Labyrinth, or things like that.

And I do censor A much more than N, since N is old enough to have a conversation and at least sort of understand and think about what's going on, while A is still at the absorb and repeat stage.

I don't think there's a substantial difference between sex and violence, as depicted on screen. What with the "male gaze" most sex scenes teach children to objectify women into consumable objects, just as blowing people up teaches them to dehumanize bodies. They're about the same in most cases for me and I'm not necessarily fans of either until I can figure out how to give him the tools to analyze that shit while he's watching it.

I have no clue how to do this with a small child.

I wasn't going to do anything more than check in on responses this morning, and I'll complain later about how little time I have to get my work done, but...

I think that Alternadad's position is pretty common--folks are uncomfortable with the sex, less so with the hittin' n' stuff, 'cause that's what *we* saw when we were kids. The thing is, *all* of our kids are going to have sex, and none of them are likely to see someone shot, or struck on the head, or nailed with a freeze ray. In spite of my queasiness about the Button being exposed to it, sex is *normal*, and violence is not. That, in my passive activist way, is what I would like to communicate to my child, tacitly until such time as we can actually discuss it.

And to clarify, I think that I feel pretty much the same as most of the rest of you--cartoon violence is okay, realistic violence and sex later. But intellectually, I susopect that that is exactly the problem--that we think of actual violence in a detached, cartoony way without real consequences. Definitely, in my childhood imaginary gunfights, there wasn't any concern for innocent bystanders 'cause we never missed. Why would we? Our heroes seldom did, and when they did, they never hit a stranger. I think that those are the unfortunate expectations of a lot of pro-gun adults, too.

I'm more comfortable with violence. Sex - not at all. We've allowed our 10 year old to watch shows that other parents won't even let their 13 year old watch. My son is fascinated with war and watches old movies, new movies, documentaries, books, etc on everything military. At first I didn't encourage this, but after a while, I couldn't exactly stop it either.

He has hunted and fished with his father since he was 5 and has seen violence up close and in person. I mean, nothing hits home like watching your dad shoot a bird out of the sky, clean it, cook it, and then eat it, all within a couple of hours. That was pretty rough at first. That to me, is far more impressionable than any movie he's going to see.

Violence isn't personal and it isn't something we can hide from or pretend doesn't exist. Sex is very personal and is different for everyone. Sex is intimate, private and that's the way it's intended to be as far as I'm concerned. I don't pretend it doesn't exist, but I do want my children to know that sex is an appropriate topic for you in appropriate situations. My sex life is not their concern, and once they become adults, theirs won't be mine. Violence is something we judge, and need to judge as a society...sex is not. Seeing it on television, on movies, explicit lyrics on songs - all of these things puts sex out on the table which is just a little to exposed for me. I don't think violence is television and music is dehumanized when it's watched responsibly and put into context for the kid. You have to actually parent, and talk to the kid. We've taken my 10 year to the Holocaust Museum. We wanted him to see the other side of military - the dark dirty side. The opposite of Heroic. Perhaps this is all to much for him,

Violence on the other hand is real. Kids get spankings, people and animals get shot, car accidents happen, wifes and kids get beaten, houses burn down, people get mugged, women get raped...these are all things that happen to normal people all the time. I want my kids to know that we are safe, but not untouchable. Things happen in the real world that we hope never happens to us, but growing up, they need to try and focus on ways to end some the violence or help those who suffer from it and make this world a better place for everyone.

With THAT said - we have a much different approach with the younger kids. Ofcourse they are censored all the way until we feel they are old enough to handle it. We just watched The Spiderwick Chronicles as a family, and my 4 year old had to leave the room. She just wasn't ready and it scared her. But, when they hit ages 6 or 7, and show an interest in something, I'm not going to keep it from them...unless it's sex ofcourse.

I'm not sure. Which category does The Big Lebowski fall into?

Aside from the Simpsons and a small handful of "educational" programs on PBS, we try to keep her away from cartoons in general. I have it on good authority that they rot your brain and cause behavioral problems, including violent outbursts and inappropriate disrespect for authority figures. I'm like the Marge Simpson who led the crusade against violence in Itchy & Scratchy.

As for sex, it doesn't bother me for her to have some exposure as long as it isn't to the empty, vapid kind of commercial sex popularized by various gossip magazines, MTV, etc.

Rachell, I've got to respectfully disagree with you here. People getting mugged, raped, or beaten are not, and never should be, "things that happen to people all the time." The idea of my daughter being taught to accept violent behavior as commonplace but being completely sheltered from healthy sexual relationships makes me shudder. I honestly believe this is why we have kids who know how to load and shoot guns but are totally ignorant about how pregnancy happens.

So that said, yeah, I'm with CPF on this. We have a rule right now, at her tender age of 10 weeks -- no one watches (or plays) anything with violence while she's in the room. I even turned off Spiderwick Chronicles while nursing, because I didn't feel comfortable having the children's screams pour into her impressionable ears.

Right now, I'm more concerned with violence, but that's because I fear for the safety of my cats. Although I know he'd love it, I can't really show the Bean "Tom and Jerry" and turn around and tell him that hitting is wrong.

In regards to the sex v. violence debate, I wonder if part of it comes from accessibility and the imitation factor. Most violent stuff we watch is pretty intense and, for the most part, hard to imitate. I mean, our plastic lightsabers don't work (though how cool would it be if they did?). And I'm guessing that most of us don't have the kind firepower at home that most of our action heroes use. Sex, on the other hand, is something that's a bit more accessible to just about everyone without needing a lot of hardware (unless you're into that sort of thing).

Ain't that just how it should be??? :)

DGB - Thank you for making me laugh this morning...fearing for your cats is a good reason to skip out on Tom and Jerry!

I think it depends on how the sex and violence are presented. Does it support racist, sexist assumptions? How integral to the plot is it?

I'd take Pulp Fiction over "Girls Gone Wild." I'd take Henry and June over some random slasher flick.

Of course, I wouldn't let my prescooler and toddler watch any of the above! But I couldn't think of any age appropriate examples...

Floor Pie - yeah, context has a lot to do with it. There are some shows ostensibly for tweens and teens that I would not be comfortable with because the harmless flirting is so sexist. It's demeaning to boys and girls. Drake and Josh is one of these. Even though Drake is a buffoon that fact just isn't as obvious to kids - they just see him as a cute boy who likes to "make out" with various girls, even if he doesn't like them that much. I swear, "make out" is said every third sentence on that show.

I would be more comfortable with sex than with violence although we have let them watch some movies with a small amount of violence, Iron Giant being one of them. Pie 1 is just not a very physical or aggresive child - he is not big on playing shoot 'em up type games or anything else involving "violence" or rough-housing. Pie 2, on the other hand, is every bit the stereo-typical boy - cars, trucks, wrestling, growling, tackling, etc., so I would really rather keep violence out of his movie watching experience.

I would personally be more comfortable with cartoony violence, and nothing beyond kissing until quite a bit later... my oldest is 6. She's seen and loved Indiana Jones/Last Crusade all the Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Superman, Spiderwick (read the books to her 1st)... and we'll probably watch the 1st Lord of the rings soon.

What gave her nightmares was Curious George (the man with the yellow hat yelled at George and sent him away) and the Colbert report's riff on the iPhone "kill switch"... oh, and fire safety week at school is usually good for a few weeks of nightmares :-P

wookie- as children my sister and i were not allowed to watch scooby-doo because she would have nightmares for days!