Stop beating teh cat!

Some days families support each other with the good mooders helping to balance the bad mooders. Today, we were all like caged animals trying to scratch each other's eyes out.

At one point, our once proud discourse was reduced to each of us simply yelling somebody else's name in turn.

The good news is that we're all asleep (except me). As they say, the winners get to write the history books. It wasn't really anybody's fault (except for somebody whose name rhymes with "argaret") but it does get me wondering how we fell into this state.

All told, it did end rather peacefully - I went to clean, the kids went to read with mom, and we all sort of calmed down without talking anything out.

How do you un-knot yourselves in your own families, when talking things out like civilized adults just "isn't happening".

ps. Just kidding about the "rhymes with" part. Y'all know me better than that, right?

You assume we're beating the cat, when perhaps it's the cat beating us!

Pfft. I got nothing. I spent the evening thinking about how best to pummel Mr Ellie with a blunt object and not leave bruises. Jerk.

And the Jerk is directed to Mr Ellie, who has his period or something right now, because I want to throttle him.

I thought you were going to write about how we had three rotting teeth removed from one of our 14-year old cats. He looks pretty sad tonight. I think he might need cat dentures.

Ellie, use a cat. Won't leave a bruise. I fact, I thought that's where Michael was going.

I could toss the dog, but as he weighs only four lbs, it's not like it would do much damage. I was thinking along the lines of a three hole punch. Or a printer/scanner/copier. That's nice and solid. Or a crystal bowl. Or my dining room chair.

I really could go on all night. I am uber pissed. Poor MNM had to listen to me literally yell in her ear for a solid thirty minutes. Poor MNM. Wasn't much of an appetizer for her dinner.

Ellie, Mr. S seems to be feeling about the same way. Bastard.

We're currently ignoring each other, because he won't admit he was in the wrong this morning and I'm sick of always being the bitch.

Ellie - phone books don't leave bruises.

DaddyWho tried to get all bitchy with me on the phone today, but I outbitched him. Bitch.

Wow, I feel better.

ks, TELL ME ABOUT IT. Dude, I'm always the bitch. The one who doesn't do anything all day long because I'm staying at home eating bonbons and chatting on the internet. STFU, dude. I'd like to see you deal with the kids at the level I do for days and weeks and months on end with no break. NO. FUCKING. BREAK. S.T.F.U! Gah.

(And I don't usually spill marital drama onto the internets, so y'all will have to forgive me and pretend you didn't see it, but I have really, REALLY got my panties in a big ol' bunch.)

Ouch, I got nothing. My husband and I yell at each other and forgive each other fairly quickly when we are at our wits ends.

A few days ago the babe suddenly woke crying and my husband at least appeared to have an evil grin on his face when he said "well, I am going downstairs for awhile", and I suddenly flipped and said WTF! I soon realized that he was not deviously happy that the baby was crying, but it really looked like it at the time.

My husband is a bit of an alpha geek of his own and has been working on converting MythTV (a way complicated DVR type thing) to Ubuntu. He could not get the sound to work and I kept telling him to switch the digital set. He evenutally called me an asshole, but I knew he was thinking idiot. It turned out I was RIGHT and he was being the asshole, but it was pretty funny that he stopped himself from saying idiot so as not to offend me, but thought asshole was ok.

Sorry, Michael...It seems that we all threadjacked you. It must be the moon or something. Kathy would know what houses are in retrograde, because it seems like we're all having teh Drama.

Our first is only a few months old though, so give us time.

Aw, poor JTC cat. If they were towards the front you might find he starts drooling a bit because he can't hold his saliva in his mouth :) I had a cat lose a tooth and suddenly every time she fell asleep she woke up in a puddle of her own drool.

For Michael and Ellie and KS, I got nothing. My fights and dramas are as unproductive and shitty as yours!

Maybe Michael and Ellie can do a Trading Spouses?

ruth, they were more towards the back. On the plus side, my wife has a fancy new necklace.

If its just between my wife and I... sex usually is the reset button.

If I cant get close enough for sex, because she is really that mad, then its time for a ROAD TRIP. Get everyone out of the environment where the problems started, it shakes things loose, changes the dynamics. Even an overnight somewhere, anywhere. In the winter its often a place with an indoor pool

JTC - BWAH! "Ms JTC...what a lovely necklace...are those, uh, shark's teeth?" "Nope. Kitty."

We've never had the budget for an overnight, but we've done "road trips" in the context of going out somewhere, even if it's just to the hardware store and burgers for dinner.

in this house, if everyone is melting down, probability approaches unity that we are all low blood sugar and need food.

We don't yell much - I silently stare Goodbuddy down while I let him tie himself in knots trying to resolve the issue. On a positive note - we don't do much in the way of door slamming either.

If it's really bad, the following sequence occurs. Someone is grouchy. Yelling. Possibly crying. Period of arguing and stating cases. Disagreement over semantics of argument. Statements reframed and clarified. Apologies as needed. Compromise is reached. Snuggling follows.

Yelling makes some people uncomfortable. In our house silent treatments, grudges, and emotional withholding make us uncomfortable. So we're briefly very loud, and then we're totally over it. That's what works for us.

Well in the ninjamom household, it goes how you'd expect it to with an Aries and a Cancer. I suddenly lose my shit, AlphaGeek retreats into his shell, possibly to never be heard from again. That usually means I'm right and he's wrong.

If he's right, he will argue back...in the most condescending, patronizing, let-me-say-this-slowly-so-you'll-understand-voice that absolutely sends me ballistic. It makes admitting he is right that much more difficult. He at least has learned through trial and error that it's not really to his benefit to make me feel stupid. He tries to correct me ahead of time now in a *humorous* way.

But we haven't argued like that in a long time. AlphaGeek is the anti-drama husband. Most of our disagreements tend to be pretty low-key.

mcglory, I'm a yeller and then once I get it out of my system and make my point, I get over whatever is bugging me fairly quickly. Mr. S, however, is the silent, simmering, lecturing and condescending, hold a grudge type. So our fights, while rare, are never, ever pretty.

ug.

i'm the yeller 'round here. my husband just ignores me most of the time. that's his M.O. he controls the situation by not talking or acknowledging me. it drives me nuts, which makes me louder and angrier. i come from a very loud family who yell when they are angry. (part of it was my sister who is SO LOUD that people have to yell to be heard around her.)

i think part of the ignoring me comes from him just not getting why i'm mad. he has admitted to me that he just doesn't like to think when he is off work. simple as that. he doesn't want to be expected to think. at all. maybe on his days off, but he'd really rather not. so in knowing this about him, it is MY fault that i am mad, or hurt, or whatever it is i'm yelling about because i should just know how he is by now.

gah. i'm getting angry thinking about this.

and no, we don't really ever work it out. my mood just usually blows over. and then simmers for all of time in a pit of despair and resentment.

well, aren't i just a little fucking ray of sunshine!

I'm much more direct when it comes to resolving conflicts. I'm not scared of yelling. DaddyWho slinks around the house, making sad, exasperated noises. When I ask him what's wrong, he always says "Ooohhh. Nothing. I'm fiiinnnne. " So I take him at his word.

Eventually I get tired of it and ask him "what the hell did I do this time?" And he'll finally tell me what imaginary trespass I made (he's crazy-sensitive).

We've never had a yelling argument. I've kinda yelled at him a few times, but I HATE the sad pouting. And the shuffling around the house. I don't even think he knows he's being all passive-aggressive.

I kinda lit into him about it last week.

Ha, MW! I wonder if we've got a similar thing going on? With L and I, I'm the controller who lets him know in no uncertain terms when I'm unhappy, and he's the smoother-overer who doesn't even really know how to express anger, just gets tired and quiet when he's unhappy about something. I totally also get mad about his being unable to express anger more clearly. It's kind of funny-ironic, when you think about it.

My favorite new internet psych guy has an interesting article on anger - he sees it as an immediate ego-defending reaction to fear. http://tinyurl.com/6muc85

I'm getting better at recognizing when productive discusion is just not going to happen and letting it go for the moment.

Mr. Black is usually pretty agreeable if I say I need a break and need to go for a walk RIGHT NOW. (He probably knows that if he lets me go, I'll come back in a much better mood.)

Some people can do make up sex, I just can't do it when I'm pissed off.