"...babysitters get paid." That's what I said to the relic from the Fifties, and I'm cranky that she said it and cranky that I feel bad about making her feel bad when she was probably just trying to encourage me even though if I tried to encourage a female coworker by saying, "Say, it's hard doing man work, isn't it?" I'd be a shit for doing so. And I've served lunch late to and had two children screaming whilst I sought refuge in a trashed kitchen with pieces of food and sundries strewn about like two factions of grocery sacks had done battle there.

Why am I not a parent, lady? Is it the stubble? The earrings? The tats? The Ramones T-shirt? Or is it just the penis? Damn thing always gets me in trouble.

And now, with the groceries put away, the dishes washed; with two screaming children pared down to one and then to just me lying fetal on the sofa, I’d rather play with the Boy than nap, but we both need our sleep, and SAHMs of the world, I won’t say that I don’t know how you do it, ‘cause I know just how you do it–you work your asses off. Which babysitters also don’t do. But parents do. *I* do, lady.

oh god, i'm so sorry that happened, CPF! i read this out loud to my partner, who had a similar episode of asshattery yesterday- he mentioned that he was going to be home with our baby during his winter break from school and this person laughed and said "really? well, call me if you need help." this from the person who tried to commisserate when our baby had the flu by saying "oh, i know it's not the same thing, but i totally get it- i hate it when my dog gets sick and i'm not sure if i can leave him!" kill. and no, he won't be "calling if he needs help." wtf.

Who said it, Honey? I'll go get 'em for you!

I know exactly what that is like and I am sorry that this is the way your "day off" is going. I miss you guys.

xxoo

ggrrrr...stupid people.

(don't have anything to add since you did such a great job - just wanted to commiserate and a fist raised in solidarity doesn't translate well in this medium)

CPF - I would be so pissed off, too! This is actually one of those things that always ticks me off when I hear it. I've been known to put old hags in their place for uttering such words at times about my husband or other male parents. It is certainly generational, for the most part, but that doesn't make it acceptable.

I hadn't actually thought about it 'til I read someone else on this thread commenting on it. Hey, what if I'm a stay-at-home dad? Am I babysitting for those eighteen years 'til they move out?

I do feel bad about making her stammer; I hadn't really thought about it. But then, there were several other people in the store today with children, and at the time, our little twosome was fine and well-behaved--nothing to single me out as being unaccustomed to being with the kids. Bah. Build a time machine and go back to your era, ye dreadful beastie.

Suxor.

I get that a lot, though for being youngish and weird(ish). And since I actually am babysitting, I guess I technically can't complain. But it's still rude and senseless, because they could be my kids, and it makes me want to kill. I hope next time the baby throws up on the old hag.

You're showing them just by being your awesome dad self. You rock! Keep it up!

CPF - you are a good papa.

When the boys were little (3 & 4) I took them to the dinosaur museum with 3 of my cousin's kids - so there was me in my early 20's with Chunk and 5 kids all about the same age and the hag at the ticket window looked at me and said "oh honey, I hope they are not all yours" I replied with "of course they are, why?" and had to walk away before laughing my ass off at the look of absolute horror on her face.

DaddyWho is infuriated. He parents as much or more than I do. He had no idea that people might be saying such things about him - he's oblivious to outside commentary. He's mad on your behalf as well, CPF.

Assumptions about parentage of children are such a bad idea. When I was 12, I went to a museum with my mom's first cousin, Johnny, to whom I very close. The crotchety old man at the ticket booth said "you and your daughter have a nice time." Johnny replied, "She's not my daughter! She's my girlfriend!" And put his arm around me and walked away. I tried hard to not howl with laughter. The old man was scandalized, and we caught him following us from gallery to gallery.

CPF - that lady can totally suck it. I know that it doesn't feel great to call people in the general public on their shit but frankly you did her a favor. Hopefully she'll think next time before she wants to cram her foot into her mouth.

i love the word "scandalized". I love that it's in 100 years of solitude about a million times. Usually in reference to Ursula.

CPF, smack the bitch down. What a crock of sh*t. Some people really just don't get it. Don't feel bad for making her stammer. Just feel sorry you didn't make her cry. ;)

You should have told her that if you weren't with the kids your husband would be. I'll bet that would have knocked her jaw down a foot or two.

DAMMIT, JTC. You took my joke. Hmph.

People are stoopid. Grr.

JTC and Ellie:

Hyork!

Save JTC's approach for next time.

Jesus, you people are harsh. She's really a "bitch"? Christ on a stick.

Personally I am waiting for the moment someone mistakes me for an "au pair." That would be hot.

The Companion is a SAHD and he's been asked on more than on occasion when out with the baby during the day "Did you get laid off or do you just work shift?"

People are stupid; not us, all the others.

JV - come on now - it was annoying...she's as annoying as much as we are harsh...

Although I always laugh at Christ on a stick. (see dante's levels of hell thread)

i think i'm just totally disappointed. Women that work need to be more supported - and most of the people in power think like that lady - that women are the ones staying home, dads go and earn "real money". I would work if we could afford it, but what i earn vs what childcare costs and how much strain the family would experience as a result, isn't worth it. And my husband can make about double what i could.

There is no real support for working mothers - the feminist movement got us into the workforce, but that's just raised everyone's salary expectations; so it would be nice if at least people in the street could get used to seeing dads with their kids (and not assume that it's like their 'access weekend' or that they are a babysitter), i say if a father wants to take some of or all of the responsibilities of being the primary carer or similar, then that should be MORE supported than it is. Cos the government sure as hell ain't doing much to help.

What she's said shows she is assuming what is essentially the other half of "women belong in the kitchen". Because, you know, there's now WAY a dad could be caring for his kids. 8-|

And undermining CPF's self-respect that he's doing a good job (which i certainly believe he is) is just fucked up. And doing it in public, to a complete fucking stranger, in front of his kids and a dozen other strangers, yeah, that's pretty bitchy.

It's wherever you put sexism, Just Visitor (say, that makes you sound pretty good). If a woman assumed that, say, my wife was a bad mother because she has a job, I would go to "bitch" pretty easily.

I get JV's point though - the woman might have been stupid, but that doesn't actually make her a bitch. If she had followed up with a nasty comment after he corrected her THEN she would have been a bitch. Frankly, I bet she felt stupid and bad and didn't know what to say.

That sucks, CPF. I've noted that even my very liberal, very feminist friends who should know better often tell me to thank my husband for watching the kid when I go out with them... and yet none of his hockey buddies have ever sent home thanks to me... nor is anybody thanking me for being the parent du jour on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In the end people still have it wired into their brains that mama is the default parent.

I have a slightly different pet peeve about the older generations' perception. Sometimes, after observing Mr. Black and I perform our acrobatic parenting feats, they'll say "He's such a good father."

And he is. Of course. But I'm such a good mother, too. Where's the love for Mommy?

I think they just assume that this crazy crap comes naturally to women and there's nothing remarkable about it. Well, guess again.

I can understand your frustration with the "Babysitting?" lady, but I must admit we've both slipped and referred to his parenting as "babysitting" on occasion (usually if I'm going to an evening meeting or a moms' night out). It's truly unintentional and we both correct ourselves quickly.

possibly half my problem is that i think 'm being cyberstalked. so i'm nervy and freaked out - i'm Tweak from Southpark. :( and i'm a stuck-at-home-mum with a career brain with no outlet.

you know, one thing I love about my aunt and uncle is that when they visit me and the kids they go out of their way to tell me I'm doing a great job. it feels so validating.

Start talking about hardwired stuff and the evopsych police comes swooping through here.

Well, I was using it in a colloquial sense.