With a cross country flight coming up later this week, we finally caved in. Last night, I broke out the Nintendo DS Lite that my brother had purchased last winter and had given to my elder daughter as a combination birthday and Christmas gift (despite the fact that we had asked him not to buy her a video game).

Although she is excellently behaved, we worry that five hours on a plane to L.A. might be taxing on her, especially as the bulk of our attention is likely to be focused on her 17-month old sister. We resorted to the diversion that has been sitting in our closet in its box for the last ten months.

She was excited to set up the DS. We entered her name and other basic data, recharged the game, and loaded it up with the card my brother got her: Pet Catz 2. (Right off the bat, I can say I am not a big fan of the -z spellings in the game.) The game requires her to adopt and care for a kitten. Our four cats, obviously, are delighted that she now wants to spend time with a virtual cat instead of taking care of them. Of course, none of them has a cute "thought bubble" that tells our daughter what its particular need is at any given time. Anyway, she was chuffing away with the game, reading the various instructions eagerly. (One of the preconditions I set was that she had to learn to read well before she would get her hands on this little brain leech.) She's obviously thrilled.

I'm torn. On the one hand, I was into video games from the time my dad brought home an Odyssey system back in about 1981. I (mis)spent much of my youth in the 1980s, especially during middle school, on BBS systems downloading games to play on the Commodore 64. I don't want my daughter to end up preferring video games to human interaction, as I did until I was about 14. Those were some painful years.

I see my niece, at eight, playing on one of these, and she's like a zombie. She drifts in and out of rooms, but she's in her own world. It's spooky.

So, a few questions for the community:

1) How old were your kids when you let them start playing video games? Do you let them play video games?

2) How do you govern your children's video game consumption? What has worked and what hasn't?

3) Do any of you have suggestions for decent games for the DS? Are there any entertaining but educational games? Conversely, are there any games that we should avoid, either because they're bad or because your children have had bad reactions (e.g., violent behavior modeling) after playing them?

Thanks for the anticipated help here.

1) First kid got a Leapfrog Leapster last year at age 5. It is the only video game system he is allowed until he is over age 10.

2) Playing the Leapster, like time online, is a privilege to be earned not a right. The privilege is earned via a combination of behavior, school performance, and chore completion. I'd say he spends a total of 2 hours per week playing either online or on the Leapster. His amount of time in front of a screen is virtually nonexistent compared to most kids we know though (who spend at least an hour/day).

3) I'd recommend CNET for game information. They have really sound reviews. http://reviews.cnet.com/games/

JTC - to answer your questions in order:

B has been playing video type games since he was quite young (around 2 years old).

In terms of consumption, the games come last on the list of activities. For instance, B has to complete all of his chores for the day before he can play anything. At this point, he has fairly unlimited Wii play time (again, once he is finished with everything else) but he is only allowed one hour on the computer. If he misbehaves, the video games are the FIRST privilege he loses. He knows the rules, and for the most part is happy to follow them.

How old is your daughter?

Odyssey! I have never heard of anyone else having that. Our bachelor dairy farmer uncles gave my brothers and me Odyssey, and our dad confiscated when we got home because "it'll screw up the picture on the TV, dammit." (It hooked up to the TV, if I remember correctly.) Anyway, we snooped around, found where he hid it, hooked it up, got busted (see, dad, it didn't hurt the picture), had it reconfiscated and eventually lost interest.

To answer your question, I'm not much help on decent video games. Our kids don't have any. They can go online for 30 minutes and play games at nickjr or pbskids. The eldest does Webkins, but that's about it. We usually give them 30 minutes at a time, and it's a privilege that can be easily lost.

I think that as long as you govern its use while at home that it's fine. I'm inclined to do whatever it takes to get through a five-hour flight. But using it at home to keep them quiet and occupied and out of your hair for long stretches of time isn't very healthy. I've seen nephews who barely said "hello" to me during family visits because their noses were in the portable PlayStations or GameBoys.

She's six going on fifteen.

It so depends on the kid..and the parent. If you make the rule that it's to be used for long trips (or only after dinner or only after toys are picked up..etc..) then it's totally manageable.

I also find that we just take it away if we don't like the way they're behaving. #3 got disturbingly addicted to the Game Boy and I had to make it disappear. No biggie, just make it disappear. I made Lego Star Wars disappear because I didn't like how the boys were acting.

I don't think it's really something to be feared - just something to be managed. I don't find that the kids use it all that much now although they only have one between three kids because they pooled their money to buy it and they share really well.

As far as educational games go, I don't have any answers - they play Mario Kart and the Sims (whatever the young version of that is) and Zoo Tycoon.

Anyway, your daughter won't turn into your niece if you don't let her.

what kana and MNM said. That's our plan anyway. I don't want a lot of 'forbidden fruit' stuff for El D. Meaning I don't want it to be appear to be completely off limits - thus making that more enticing. I mean he is MY kid... and I know how well that worked out for me.

We're not here yet, but I struggle with the same issues. We had an Atari as a kid, which we didn't play too much, and then we got a Nintendo which we played all the time. Whole days would drift by as we tried to beat Mario. To be fair, my parents weren't home much and we also played soccer outside, read a lot, and did other imaginative type activities. But whole days of Nintendo? On the other hand, we're all pretty successful now and capable of communicating with others and so forth, so it can't have been that harmful.

We have a few electronic beeping toys, and the Smudge is only allowed to play with them in the car. I imagine if we had a portable gaming system it would be the same way. I also think that perhaps we'll take it on a game by game basis. Something like the Wii, or Rock Band or something that involves physical activity or group play would be different than sitting at a computer shooting aliens for hours.

But we're pretty conservative about our kid and media. He's not allowed to watch any TV still (though he told me the other day that the woman at the gym was TELLING him to sit near the TV and watch, as opposed to the other women who watch him play with toys away from the TV and I'm pretty pissed about that. I haven't figured out what to do because I do treasure my running time).

Mo and Max have been playing video games since they were two. Mo has a Gameboy Advance that he gets to play in the car or for a half hour here and there. It recently died so we're getting him a DS for Xmas.

It's just a matter of setting the amount of time your comfortable with her having the DS daily or weekly.

As for games I like the Crash Bandicoot and Mario Bros games. They aren't really that violent. Mo knows that he can play the games that are "E for Everyone". To be honest I haven't gone out of my way to find educational games. There's nothing wrong with a little down time from the brain.

Games like Mario Party for Gamecube has been a great way to teach about being a good loser and games of chance vs games of skill.

1. Ri was about 4 and Ro was probably close to four.

2. We don't allow hand held systems, only because I think it discourages human interaction. I like to find some way to connect their gaming activities to others.

What games do they play? They love Webkinz and my daughter really loves that she can interact with her friends online that way. My son is getting better at navigating around on that site now that he can read, but he still often needs my daughter's help to get started and maneuver - so they kind of do that as a team while I make dinner (if their homework is done), and our kitchen overlooks the play room where the computer is, so I have an easy time supervising without being in their face about it.

We also have a gaming system in the living room, but we only buy and use games with the kids that are interactive with others in the family. We often use it as a family game night tool playing Sing Star, Dance Dance Revolution, racing games, or destructive fun stuff like Rampage or The Simpsons Roadrage. I'm certain they would love more violent epoch games, but we're not introducing those to them until Ro is much older and we're forced to by the outside world.

we have a wii, and the kids play an hour here and there (with us), but honestly they prefer to play with each other. I'm not a fan of the handhelds other than for car-trip use. It makes my brain explde when I see a kid wandering around with one in a restaurant or other social setting.

I think theres more benefit to whole-day book reading, to be honest, but I've considered games like brain-age to make math drills more palateable.

I do think it can be managed though, much like you manage tv. It's all screen time.

Hit the local game store and try out some of the games - we love Lego Star Wars, also there are some puzzle games that are fun.

Our boys have been playing video games since they stopped chewing on the controls - Chunk is a big game fan.

As much as I would love to have a game buddy, I'm not ready to introduce the Bean (almost 3) to the Wii yet.

I'm a big believer in everything in moderation. What I really dislike are kids who are constantly playing during dinners, restaurants or other social situations. I don't think I'd have a problem with my kids playing during a car ride or on their way to an airport, or waiting around while I run an errand, etc. I usually had my nose buried in a Mad magazine during all of those times. But it never took the place of social interaction.

DGB- I'd walk around after my folks with a Mad Mag or Archie comics. Any waiting situation is made easier by those and the DS. Sometimes there is just too much going on and that leads to overload. The DS has certainly helped there as I'd rather have a zombie than a crazy hyper lunatic-kid.

I think they should make this game for the DS.

http://superobamaworld.com/

Sadie, my daughter and I just had the most fun playing Super Obama World together (she's 3). She worked the jumping "Rocco BoMama" (that's what she calls our president-elect & I love it too much to correct it.) and I did the direction. I love that game- maybe b/c she says Rocco BoMama so many times while making him jump.

I'd have to say that video games are cool if they are played as a family or with friends. My brother plays WAY too much "NoFriendo". I loathe when people are so involved in games that they skip out of parts of life. Like anything it's all about moderation. It's never OK to skip real-life activities to play video games.

My boys got a DS last year (at 10 and 7) and we got a second one this summer for the very long car rides (regularly 5 hours and often 10 hrs).

They can only use one after all other chores and regularly schedule events are done, which leaves very little time during the week. They can't take it out of the house unless there is a car ride of more than 2 hours looming, and then it can't leave the car (no game boy at Grammy's house, thank-you-very-much). They are seriously addicted to the Pokemon games which I find overwhelmingly tedious - but no more addicted then they are to the cards which I find equally as tedious!