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Miscellany: The Electronic Communication Media Edition
an IM with Fort Awesome and Terrible Mother:
TM: One of my classes went all wacko today.
FrtAwe: What? Why?
TM: This student went a little Manifest Destiny and tried to take over everything.
FrtAwe: That must have been annoying.
TM: It was. I kept trying to reign him in but he was tough.
FrtAwe: You know what would be awesome? Soccer style penalty cards, but for class discussion.
TM: Group discussion penalty cards? Those would be perfect!
FrtAwe: Like a yellow card for not enough detail. Red card for logical fallacy.
TM: Yellow for being off topic. Red for grand-standing.
FrtAwe: Three reds and you’re out of the discussion for the day. Think of it. People could argue with the ref like they do in soccer.
TM: It’d be meta-argument! I could teach them all kinds of things! It’s a totally valid pedagogy!
FrtAwe: It’s genius facilitation is what it is.
TM: I am so going to write a paper on this and submit it to an academic journal. I’m gonna be famous!
FrtAwe: Hey! I get partial credit here.
TM: Whatever. Tell it to the ref!
***
Text message from Friend Omega:
“I just passed a prosthetic store. Or, as you call them, a brothel.”
****
Later, in the same IM with Fort Awesome:
FrtAwe: You know, this video could also help your students. It teaches argument.
(long pause)
TM: You know what I think, Fort Awesome? I think you and me? We’re the Derrida of Composition Theory. We’re gonna blow the field wide open!
FrtAwe: Uhh…….isn’t it called “Theory of Rhetoric”?
TM: Whatever.
***
One of the strangest things I’ve noticed about Internet Dating is the preponderance of people willing to send you (meaning me) naked photos of themselves. What makes this even more perplexing is that I don’t ask for these photos. Tell me men, is there something in that onery Y that makes you think that “I know what I’ll do! I’ll send this girl some photos of my penis!” is a reasonable and suitable reaction to an email inquiring about, say, your favorite movies? You’re trying to establish your datability here, guys. You’re not auditioning for a porn flick.
Anyway, more than once I’ve been bopping along within those first few emails, things going well (in this case “going well” equals “no felonies” and “a reasonable grasp of the English language”) when, out of nowhere, an attachment lands in my inbox*. One of these came about 5 months ago and was the blurry representation of the milky white nether regions of one Math PhD student here at the University. My first thought was “his skin looks like it’s made from skim milk.”
But my second thought was “Oh bother!” followed by “and, damnit, I really liked this one.” But I did what I always did: deleted and never contacted said suitor again.
Fast forward until Tuesday when I was standing in line at the campus coffee place, waiting to order my Americano. The guy in front of me turned and smiled. He was totally my type–which is geeky cute–and I smiled back. At the same time, I thought “hey, he looks familiar.” He had the same look on his face, both of us doing that quick social algebra you do when you’ve clearly seen someone but can’t remember where or under what circumstances.
And then, at the same moment, we both remembered exactly under what circumstances.
He turned around quickly. His neck turned red and he stuttered his coffee order to the barista. I was both horrified and amused. Who sends these kinds of photos to someone when you, essentially, work at the same place? It was all I could do to keep from saying, “You brought this on yourself, Skim Milk PhD! TOTALLY ON YOURSELF!”
***
an IM between Friend Omega and Terrible Mother:
TM: Did you ever think Jack Johnson was black?
Omega: No, but I can see why you did.
TM: Why? Because he’s friends with Ben Harper?
Omega: Huh? Ben Harper?
TM: Yeah, you know. Ben Harper.
Omega: Didn’t Jack Johnson pitch for the Rays?
TM: No, no. Jack Johnson!
Omega: What am I supposed to do with that link?
TM: Gah!
Omega: OH! I was thinking of Travis Harper.
(long pause)
TM: Who’s on first, Omega? Who’s ON FIRST?
*tm
*Minds out of the gutter people. People!
Tags: IMing, Internet Dating, penalty cards, Ric Flair, texting
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Ahhahahahahahah!
One of my favorite cartoons related to the internet shows a dog sitting at a computer and the line underneath says, "on the internet, no one knows you're a dog." Yeah, unless the dog sends naked crotch shots of himself!
So, I agree that Skim Milk PhD totally brought that on himself. Apparently his social common sense is lacking.